AVALANCHE vs Anime Hellions!
by The-Canadian-Comedian
Summary: This is a story about FF7 characters vs Anime.


Disclaimer: I really don''t own shit, get off my f**king back!  
  
This shall be the first of the legacy of evil of Mike and Ryan, or Ryke for short. If you have a better contraction for our names, go spank da monkey. Oh, the intro was stolen from the Dave and Dyne Saga. That cheap bastard Ryan wouldn''t allow ''creativity''. Muther fuckin... Oh, and if you notice this being a blatant rip off of the fics, it''s centred in the same ''universe'' as them, not a direct sequel or prequel. Viva Tequila man! (Who was used with permission) I hope. ( ) Little (late)? 0.o On (with) the (f)ic. HUH?! Oh, and Mike and Ryan can be used as you like.  
  
AVALANCHE vs Anime Hellions!  
  
[AVALANCHE HQ, 7th Heaven]  
  
Cloud, Vegeta, Cid and Barret are sitting around a PS2, playing DBZ Boudokai.  
  
Cloud: (as Goku) Take some Kame-hame-ha you supid green monkey f**ker!  
  
Barret: (as Cell) Shit! I pity da foo who hit me with a blue wave.  
  
Vegeta: (playing as himself) Then how about a couple kicks? (Starts pounding the crap out of Cell)  
  
Barret: Shit! Cid, cover me!  
  
Cid: (playing as Mister Satan) Shit! I can''t !$##$%$%#$^#~^#^ fly!!! Get the F**K down!  
  
Cloud: What do you say we help him down?  
  
Vegeta: NOW!!  
  
Cloud and Vegeta: HA! (Hit him with Chou kame-hame-ha and Big Bang)  
  
Barret: (utterly blown away) You stupid fags! You blew me the shit up you damn foos!!  
  
Cid: Serves ya right for telling me this guy was @!$#$# strong!!  
  
Vegeta: Who should take on the afro-fag?  
  
Cloud: Allow me. (Juggles the crap out of Cid and finishes him with a renzoku) You''ve been bitched, bitch.  
  
Cid: Stupid mother f**king monkey lover...  
  
Barret: Stupid tea drinking fag!  
  
Cid: Oh yeah? You good for a fag hump @#$^*(#@*%(@@!$*%#(*^$*%@!*^)%$*^$%*^#)^)#*$^#*^)#$^)#*^*!!!  
  
[Upstairs]  
  
Cait''s Friend: Fajita Man!!!  
  
Vegeta: (from the basement) I heard that you stupid alcoholic homo!  
  
Cait Sith: Watch what you say to my friend you dumb monkey!  
  
The floor in front or Cait explodes.  
  
Vegeta: Bite me jackdick!  
  
Red XIII: Jackdick? Your insults are becoming stupider by the day. (Farts)  
  
Tifa: You''re paying for the floor!  
  
Vegeta: Make me, whore!  
  
Cloud: (downstairs) Don''t talk to my woman like that!  
  
Things are heard being smashed and thrown in the basement, followed by a scream of pain and a cup of tea being shattered.  
  
Cid: (guess where) ^*&$@&*&$^%&$ MONKEY!!  
  
More fighting is heard.  
  
Cid: (comes flying up through the basement and gets crushed into the ceiling) Hey Aeris, could you yank me down?  
  
Aeris: Hold on! (Pulls on his leg)  
  
Cid: Thank''s bitch! (Falls through the hole he made)  
  
Aeris: (pulls out a grenade) We''ll see who the bitch is! (Throws the grenade down)  
  
*KA-BOOM*  
  
Barret: OH @$%#$ MY EYE!! MY BEAUTI#@!%@%FUL EYE!!  
  
Cloud: Onmislash!  
  
Vegeta: Monkey-spanka! (His limit break)  
  
*KA-BOOM2*  
  
Tifa: Quit messing my bar up!!!  
  
Vincent: QUIT DISTURBING MY GODDAMN MEDITATION!!!  
  
Yuffie: (from underneath a table) QUIT DISTURBING MY MASTURBATION!!  
  
All: (stop fighting an vomit)  
  
Red XIII: WHOO-HOO!! I didn''t get barfed on!  
  
A tidal wave of vomit smashes him through a window.  
  
Red XIII: (outside) Real funny!  
  
Author''s Note: Screw you.  
  
Cait''s Friend: Tequila maaaan!!! (jumps in front of the stack of tequila bottles to protect them from a ki ball, and gets smashed into them) tequi... TEQUILA MAN!!!!!!! (starts to cry pure alcohol, grabs a mug and fills it with his tears then drinks it)  
  
Gogeta: (looks around) How the hell am I here? (Leaves)  
  
[Some faraway place called Anime hell]  
  
Sailor Moon: Why am I here? I''m the champion of Justice!!  
  
Ash: Go pikachu, attack with thunder piss!  
  
Pikachu: (flips off Ash)  
  
Greymon: Roar, bitch!  
  
Tai: Who the f**k cares if you can roar?  
  
Medabots Ref: Robattle!  
  
Medabee: Go to a hell I ain''t occupying! (Blows him away)  
  
Janemba: That''s it! I can''t take this BS anymore!! I''m escaping!  
  
Yugi: But the author damns all character he doesn''t like to this place! You can''t leave.  
  
Janemba: Well SOMEONE or should I say RYKE (to himself) I''m so subtle (out loud) just saw my movie! (Points to his hallow as it disappears) I''m outee. (Opens a portal and gets sucked through in little chunks, balls first) My testies!  
  
Card Captor Sakura: Well he jacks off to me!  
  
Author''s Note: We all know that''s a damn lie.  
  
Sakura: No one loves me!  
  
[SHINRA HQ]  
  
Janemba:(teleports in sees Scarlet whipping FatMan Palmer in a thong) AHH!!! My virgin Demon eyes!!!!  
  
Palmer: ( looks at Janemba ) Want some... LARD!?!?!?!  
  
Scarlet: (gets mad and slaps him hard) What did I tell you about talking, worm?!!!  
  
Janemba: ( thinks for a second then smiles ) Lard... Worm... HOW ABOUT BOTH? HAHAHAHAHA!!! (casts a spell on Palmer)  
  
Palmer: My fat will protect me!!! (pulls his arms and legs in like a turtle)  
  
Janemba: (surprised) WHAT THE F**K!?  
  
Palmer: (gets confident) I''m FatMan Palmer and with fat on my side I am unstoppable! HAHAHA-(farts)-HAHAHA-(farts... again) HAHA!  
  
Janemba: (plugs his blow wholes) And I thought fat Gogeta was bad.  
  
Palmer: (prances around like a little... wait... wait... I take that back a fat school girl)  
  
Janemba: (draws out his sword) Lip-o-suction time!!!  
  
Palmer: (starts to panic because he is claustrophobic) What''s going baby I can''t see!?  
  
Scarlet: YOU''RE ABOUT TO GET F**KED!!  
  
Palmer: (gets excited) Whoo-hoo! Three-way!  
  
Janemba: (gets mad) I''ll f**k you with teeth of steel!  
  
Palmer: (even more excited) Whoo-hoo! Iron dildo!  
  
Janemba: (dashes at Palmer and swings his sword 4 times and in each swing the sword bounced the sword off his fat) WHAT!? (thinks to him self) Wait a minute he''s like a bubble... (barely pokes him with his sword)  
  
Palmer: (pops and starts fatting profusely) MY PRECIOUS LARD!  
  
Fat starts to fill up the room  
  
Janemba: (panicking) I CAN''T SWIM! GRLGLRGRLR!  
  
Fat fills the entire room, from top to bottom. Janemba starts to walk through it at 1/10mpday. The fat slurps around him as he hits pockets of air in the fat, and reaches the door. He opens the door incredibly slowly, and gets sucked out with the lard like a tidal wave.  
  
Janemba: (sprawled out on the ground) Oh my god, I can''t MOVE!!!!  
  
Janitor: (spent the last seven hours cleaning the floor) F**k it. (Shoots himself in the head)  
  
Janemba: (sits up slowly, then gets pulled back down) Shit! It''s UBER- GLUE!! (extends his arm and stabs the sword in the ceiling) I can pull myself out now! (Tries to, but pulls half the ceiling down and gets wedged between them) F**k does this suck. Heehee, I rhymed.  
  
Dead Janitor: No shit, Sherlock.  
  
[King Kai''s planet]  
  
King Kai: - and then he attacked Midgar!  
  
Goku: (stuffing his face in a flurry)  
  
King Kai: Are you listening to me?  
  
Goku: (still gorging)  
  
King Kai: LISTEN TO ME!!!  
  
Goku: Wha!! Jeez, I thought my wife was here! (Sighs in relief)  
  
King Kai: What did I just say?  
  
Goku: (thinks for thirteen minuted) Janemba on a rampage?  
  
King Kai: Lucky guess!  
  
Goku: Sweet!  
  
[AVALANCHE HQ]  
  
Vegeta, Cloud, Cid and Barret are cleaning up the spilt tequila and nailing in new boards.  
  
Vegeta: (senses a huge evil power) Holy shit I just sensed a huge evil power!  
  
Author''s note: Hey quit copying me!  
  
Cait''s Friend: (glass covered tongue from liquing up the spilt alcohol) Fajita Man?  
  
Vegeta: (jumps on Cait''s friend) That''s it this last straw! V-E-G-E-T-A!! (punches him with every letter)  
  
Cait''s Friend: Fajita Man?  
  
Vegeta: (gets off of Cait''s Friend) It''s no use I''ve taken a shining to you.  
  
Cloud: (gasps)  
  
Barret: (scratches his ass)  
  
Red XIII: Oh my god it''s a miracle!  
  
Vincent: Yuffie with jugs would be a miracle.  
  
Yuffie: Or you making good tarts!  
  
Vincent: No one insults MY TARTS!!! I am HELLMASKER!! (transforms into Hell Masker) Got Chainsaw!?  
  
Cait''s Friend: Tequila man!?  
  
Cloud: Tifa, there''s so much more I could do than clean up...  
  
Tifa: Yeah baby! (Grabs Cloud and runs upstairs)  
  
Vegeta: Lousy horny slut...  
  
Aeris: Pleasure me!  
  
Vegeta: Awooga! (Runs off with her)  
  
Cid: Shit, we ain''t got no mo women!  
  
Yuffie: I''m still here!  
  
Barret: I pity da foo who thinks Yuffie''s a woman.  
  
Vincent: You son of a bitch! (Slices off his arm)  
  
Barret: (looks down at his arm) Shit, foo. (Passes out)  
  
Red XIII: I''ll get the sowing kit. (Walks off and farts)  
  
Yuffie: That ain''t funny!  
  
Red XIII: But I really had to!  
  
Cid: That''s @!#@%$@%$%$%@%@% BS you $^#^$^#^#$ Crossbreed!  
  
Cait Sith: C''mon friend, let''s hit the town!  
  
Cait''s Friend: Tequila man! (Runs off)  
  
Cait Sith: Get back here you drunk bastard!  
  
*Ka-Rack!*  
  
Tifa: (from upstairs) WHO THE F**K JUST MESSED UP MY PLACE?!  
  
Goku: (standing up) Sorry! I thought that was a window!  
  
Vegeta: (upstairs) KAKAROT?!  
  
Goku: Hey Veggie!  
  
Vegeta: (runs downstairs bareassed) What the hell are you doing here?  
  
Cait Sith: Nice tattoo.  
  
Vegeta: Huh? The only tattoo I have is ''Aerith'' on my ass... !!! (realises he''s nude, with a huge hard on) If you''ll excuse me. (Runs his bare ass upstairs)  
  
Cait''s friend: Tequila man!  
  
Goku: Hey man, you never change, huh?  
  
Yuffie: You can change me all you want.  
  
Goku: Major grossness!  
  
Vincent: (revs chainsaw) You dissin my woman?  
  
Cid: Shouldn''t she be dead?  
  
Red XIII: (sowing Barret''s arm on) You forgot to cuss.  
  
Cid: F**k you, donkey humper! I don''t need to %@%@ cuss you stupid #$#%#^%$!!  
  
Barrett: (wakes up) I pity da foo who gives me another gun arm!  
  
Cloud: (runs back in) You again? What the hell happened?  
  
Tifa: (not satisfied) You had better make it good!  
  
Vegeta and Aeris run in.  
  
Aeris: (sweetly) Hi Kaka.  
  
Vegeta: Make it quick.  
  
Goku: Did you feel an incredibly evil presence a bit back?  
  
Vegeta: Yeah, and? Brittany Spears in on tour again, big deal.  
  
Cloud: Brittany Spears... oh yeah, blond Tifa...  
  
Barret: Shit! I just realized summit!  
  
All: (look at him)  
  
Barret: I ain''t got no jacking arm left!  
  
All: (fall over laughing)  
  
Barret: I pity da foos who laugh at my abstinence.  
  
Goku: Alright, hahahahah, alright... (composes himself) It''s Janemba.  
  
Vegeta: The Legendary Super saiyen!?  
  
Goku: That''s Brolli!  
  
Vegeta: I was being sarcastic, kakadumbass. It''s that damn red dude. What does he want?  
  
Goku: Don''t know, it''s the plot.  
  
Cloud: (to the skies) Make a good plot!!  
  
Author: (throws a package at him)  
  
Cloud: Ow!  
  
Cait: No shit, Sherlock.  
  
Cloud: An instant plot device!  
  
All: Just add water.  
  
Last voice: Water!  
  
Cloud: (throws it in the sink and turns the tap on)  
  
[skies over Wutai]  
  
Janemba: Die! (Throws a ki ball and blows a building up) HAHAHAhaahaha!!  
  
Godo: Stop! I will kill you, evil one!  
  
Janemba: I''m not evil, I''m just keeping with the plot!  
  
Godo: Nonetheless, I must kill you and steal your materia!  
  
Janemba: (floats down and draws his sword) Wtf is materia?  
  
Godo: You can''t fool me, red dude! I''ll smack you bitch ass up and down this town!  
  
Janemba: What''s with the change of character? First your noble, then you''re a street smart punk.  
  
Godo: Messing up the plot!  
  
Janemba: You bastard! I''ll send you to asswipe hell! (Throws a ki ball at him)  
  
Godo: (gets slammed through a wall) Oh yeah? Omnichange!  
  
Janemba:(eager to see what happens) HAHAHA!  
  
Godo: (smoke covers him and then vanishes in a matter of seconds)  
  
Janemba: (starts to laugh even harder because of the sight in front of him) HAHAHAHA!  
  
Godo: (looks down and sees that he is wearing nothing but a g-string) AHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
Janemba: Jeez I thought they were bigger on humans.(dick joke)  
  
Godo: Wait, wrong change. Omni change! (bunch of quarters land on his head)  
  
Janemba: (laughs so much he pisses in armour) Oh man now I have to change. Omnichange! (gets a new set of armour) TITS!  
  
Godo: I''ll get it right this time. Omni Change! ( transforms into a big monster)  
  
Janemba: (starts to laugh... again) HAHAHAHA!  
  
Godo: (stomps the ground) WHAT''S SO FUNNY!?  
  
Janemba: (giggles) You have tree faces.  
  
Godo: Ohh... ohh yeah? At least I''m not french! (Noticing ""tree"")  
  
Janemba: (in a British accent) At least I have a dick you blooming wanker.  
  
Godo: I thought you were french?  
  
Janemba: (poses) I am Demon, I have many accents.  
  
Godo: Do south central Georgia.  
  
Janemba: Kiss my red ass.  
  
Godo: No, more cocksure!  
  
Janemba: I said kiss my red ass!  
  
Godo: Getting closer...  
  
Jamenba: Dick! (Breaks one of Godo''s noses)  
  
Godo: That was it! (Switches faces)  
  
Janemba: Oh well, time to die! (Jumps back and throws a ki ball)  
  
Godo: (get''s knocked back a bit) Oh yeah? Pissed off God! (Limit break)  
  
Janemba: (gets kicked in the knob so hard a testicle get''s retracted into him) You bastard..! (drops onto a knee) AAAAARRRRGG!!! Take this and GET INJURED BUT DO NOT DIE!! Kaka-ne-ka-ne!! (shoots a big blue fish at him)  
  
Godo: I have wasted my cameo. (Gets blown away) WHAaa!!  
  
Janemba: No one shall defeat me! (Gets shit on by a seagull) That''s it! (Powers up) I''ll waste this entire resort town!! (gets hit by a beer bottle)  
  
Voice: Calm down, you''re making the booze taste bad.  
  
Janemba: Who the hell are you?  
  
Reno: Name''s Reno. I''m a Turk.  
  
Rude: ... yeah...  
  
Elena: And where going to kick your ass.  
  
Reno: For once she makes sense.  
  
Rude: ... Tifa''s hot...  
  
Elena: Let''s go! (Loads her pistol)  
  
Janemba: You''re through. I''ll kill you here, and molest her corpse. (Pissed) This script sucks!! I''m no Necrophiliac!  
  
Elena: Better not piss off the author! (Fires at him)  
  
Janemba: (swats them away with his sword) Hahahahaha!!!  
  
[7th Heaven]  
  
Cloud: Alright, we''re moving in! Load up the Highwind!  
  
Cid: Loading the Highwind!  
  
Vegeta: Pumping the wife!  
  
Aeris: You''re so funny!  
  
Vegeta: I was being serious. Let''s get naked!  
  
Aeris: (grabs him and runs into the room)  
  
Cait Sith: Lucky bastards. (To his friend) Didn''t you have a girlfriend?  
  
Cait''s Friend: Tequila... man. (Gives him a letter)  
  
Cait Sith: (reads the letter) ''Dear Robert, I have gone off for college. I think of you every time I touch myself.'' Well, she''s a keeper.  
  
Cloud: Alright guys, let''s mosey.  
  
Cid: (opens his mouth to tell him off)  
  
Cloud: (forces the Ultima Weapon into his balls) Have a problem?!  
  
Cid: No...  
  
Cloud: (pulls it away) Good.  
  
Cid: You stupid @$@%*@#%(&%($$$$$!*%$$%^&*&)(**^&!%&^((*&_)+|(&*$%$%&^%**&)&*&%^@!%!@$$%&^(* &%^@$^#&^%*&!$%&%(*&^(^&*^%*. $#^%$&!^&$&^%$!! %$^%$^#^#? $%#^#^!! ^$%^ %$^ $^%&$^$%&$%^$^%&$%^$%^Y!!!!!!!!!!! I thought you were going to cut my $%$&^%$^$^# balls off!  
  
Yuffie: You''d have to have balls first!  
  
Cid: That''s it! (Brandishes Venus Gospel) I''m gonna shove this up your ass!  
  
Yuffie: You''ll have to catch me first you old tea drinking fag!  
  
Cid: I ain''t old you Barny f**ker!  
  
Barret: You tell that materia whore!  
  
Cloud: Everybody, please, SHUT THE F**K UP!  
  
All: Sorry Cloud...  
  
Last voice: Foo...  
  
Cloud: Better.  
  
Red XIII: (lets a huge one rip) Does that count as talking?  
  
Cloud: (covering his face with a towel) YES!  
  
Goku: Damn, that''s worse than biological warfare!  
  
Vegeta''s Voice: Damn! I can smell it form here!  
  
Aeris'' Voice: Plug your nose and keep on pumping!  
  
Yuffie: And I don''t f**k Barny.  
  
Cloud, Barret, Cid: Bullshit!  
  
Yuffie: Why do I always get picked on!  
  
Cid: Cause you''re a little bitch.  
  
Yuffie: I am not!  
  
Cloud: Well you are a piece of shit.  
  
Yuffie: NO!  
  
Barret: Well you''re a little materia whore.  
  
Yuffie: F**k you guys! I''m going home! (Runs off in the general direction of Wutai)  
  
Goku: That''s right, go back and F**K YOU PAPA!!  
  
All: (stunned)  
  
Goku: Well I can''t ALWAYS be nice.  
  
Cait''s Friend: Tequila man!  
  
Goku: Damn straight!  
  
Cait Sith: You can understand him?!  
  
Goku: Well duh, he IS speaking dumbass.  
  
Barret: Then why didn''t Cid under stand da foo?  
  
Cid: F**king ape! (Shoves his spear up his ass)  
  
Barret: Shit! Ma ass, ma f''ing ass!!  
  
Cloud: Are you assholes deaf? I said LOAD THE GODDAMN HIGHWIND!!  
  
All: Yes sir! (Run up the ramp)  
  
Tifa: You know, I haven''t said a thing in a while.  
  
Cloud: I like it that way.  
  
Tifa: (pissed) What was that?  
  
Cloud: I didn''t say shit.  
  
They board the Highwind, and start taking off.  
  
Vincent: WAIT!! (runs out of the building holding his pants up) Wait for me!!  
  
Cid: (looking over the railing) F**k you!  
  
Vincent: (shoots him with Death Penalty)  
  
Cid: Ahh!! My f**king knee!  
  
Vincent: It serves you right!  
  
The Highwind flies off without him.  
  
Vincent: Ah... poopy. What am I going to do?  
  
Voice: Need to go somewhere in a hurry?  
  
Vincent: Yeah, but who the hell are you?  
  
Supreme Kai: I''ll get you anywhere you want in the blink of an eye, if you get me... A tart.  
  
Vincent: (grins evilly) Alright, just hang on.  
  
He runs into the bar, grabs a tart, and gets the hell out of it.  
  
Vincent: One of my own tarts, just for you.  
  
Supreme Kai: Thank you. Where do you wish to go?  
  
Vincent: Wherever the author wants me to.  
  
Author''s Note: Say Wutai, dammit.  
  
Vincent: Send me to Wutai.  
  
Supreme Kai: As you wish.  
  
Vincent: Enjoy the tart! (gets teleported)  
  
Supreme Kai: It looks delicious. (bites into it) Arg..! It''s poison! (Passes out)  
  
[Wutai]  
  
Elena: Oof! (Gets punched into a wall)  
  
Rude: ... (punches Janemba in the throat)  
  
Janemba: (gasps) Dick! (Teleports behind him and smacks him over the head with the blunt end of the blade)  
  
Reno: Drunken stagger! (Stumbles around, and pukes on Janemba)  
  
Janemba: Arg! This was a new suit, too! Omnichange! (Gets a tuxedo) What the f**k?  
  
Elena: (gets up) Red Bond look alike! (Shoots him when he isn''t looking)  
  
Janemba: Ahh! My ass!  
  
Vincent: (appears in the battle) What the hell?  
  
Rude: ... hi...  
  
Reno: We could use some help!  
  
Vincent: No problem, together we are-  
  
All Turks: The Turks! (Pose in a very, very gay dance)  
  
Janemba: And I though that the ballerina force was bad...  
  
Rekoom: (out of nowhere) Hey, nobody disses soap operas!  
  
Janemba: I dissed the Gayu Force.  
  
Rekoom: Haha, that sounds like the Ginyu Force!  
  
Jeice: (out of nowhere) He was making fun of us, let''s kick his ass!  
  
Rekoom: Now I''m angry. Must hurt James Bond.  
  
Janemba: (pissed) Don''t rub it in, you dick!  
  
Rekoom: Urg! (Charges at him)  
  
Janemba: (sidesteps and trips him) Dumbass.  
  
Jeice: I''ll show you! (Pulls out his trademark dildo) Die!  
  
Janemba: (forces his hand underground and trips Jeice as he charges)  
  
Rekoom: (gets the dildo up the ass) Ah!!  
  
Jeice: Shit, man! You''re going to ruin it!  
  
Janemba: Pack to hell with you! (Charges and energy ball and throws it at them)  
  
Rekoom: Ooh, it''s a pretty purple!  
  
Jeice: Shit!  
  
Both: (get thrown halfway across the universe)  
  
Janemba: Hahahahaha!! (gets a bullet through the brain)  
  
Vincent: Walk slowly with a big rifle. (Blows smoke off the end of the Death Penalty)  
  
Janemba: (gets back up and his head heals) That hurt like a bitch! I''m going to f**k you up like a demon!  
  
Vincent: Demon, you say? That''s funny because... (transforms into Chaos) I AM CHAOS!!  
  
Rude: ...  
  
Reno: Kick his ass!  
  
Elena: That Vincent, he''s so hot right now!  
  
Reno: Sick.  
  
Rude: ... (nods)  
  
Janemba: Let''s go! (Flies at him)  
  
Vincent: C''MON!! (tackles him out of midair)  
  
Janemba: Damn! (Hits the ground)  
  
Vincent: SATAN SLAM!!  
  
Janemba: Oh, SHIT! (Gets blown up by several skull-ghosts)  
  
Vincent: (lands and turns back) Nuff said.  
  
Rude: ... (drinks a whiskey)...  
  
Reno: Damn, you kicked his ass!  
  
Elena: Ah, he isn''t hot anymore!  
  
All: (look at her)  
  
Elena: What?!  
  
Rude: ..!  
  
Vincent: Huh?  
  
Janemba: (reforms behind Vincent and forces a ki ball into his stomach)  
  
Vincent: Poopy..! (gets blasted into a building, and it collapses onto him)  
  
Janemba: HAHAHA-(gets hit with a shuriken)-ow!  
  
Yuffie: No one hurts my Vinny!  
  
Elena: Not her!  
  
Reno: Ugliest chick, EVER!  
  
Rude: (gags)...  
  
Yuffie: Wow, I never realized you were so hot!  
  
Janemba: Urk! (Pukes on himself) Damn! My third good suit today!  
  
Reno: I pity that bastard.  
  
Rude: (nods)...  
  
Elena: Like, how could she dig him over Vincent?  
  
Reno: Ditsy blond.  
  
Janemba: Stay away!  
  
Yuffie: How about you take that shirt off?  
  
Janemba: How about you get plastic surgery?  
  
Turks: Ooh, burn!  
  
Reno: Oh my god, Rude said a whole sentence!  
  
Rude: (doubled over coughing)...  
  
Yuffie: You don''t love me? (Breaks down and cries on his shoulder)  
  
Janemba: GET OFF! (Throws her off)  
  
Yuffie: (giggles and runs off)  
  
Janemba: What was wrong with that ninja bitch? (Notices she swiped his watch) HEY!!  
  
Yuffie: You''ll never catch me! (Jumps off a cliff into the ocean)  
  
Rude: ...  
  
Reno: There''s something wrong with her.  
  
Elena: She''s like, so immature. Oh my god, I forgot to brush my hair this morning! Ahh! (Runs off)  
  
Janemba: Regardless of the bullshit that just happened, let''s - (gets hit by a missile) WHY THE F**K CAN''T I FINISH A- (gets hit by Vegeta''s Big Bang Attack) F**k it.  
  
All of AVALANCHE jumps out onto the battlefield.  
  
Vegeta: So, your back!  
  
Aeris: Ho, you''re so tough I could just tear your clothes off and bang you right here!  
  
Cait Sith: Keep it in your pants!  
  
Aeris: That''s what I''m trying to do!  
  
Cloud: ENOUGH BS! Let''s kill this guy and go back to having unprotected sex!  
  
Goku: Man I sure could go for a go with Chi-Chi!  
  
Cid: Eh. I don''t need sex, I''ve got the dukes!  
  
Red XIII: I thought I just smelled Vincent! (Farts)  
  
Janemba: (plugging his blow holes) Damn, how can you smell ANYTHING?!  
  
Cait''s Friend: Tequila man!  
  
Janemba: What''s wrong with him?  
  
Barret: I pity da foo who pity da foo.  
  
Tifa: I''m going to beat your face into pulp, and make juice out of it!  
  
Goku: Let''s get this party started! (goes Super Saia-jin) Haa!!  
  
Vegeta: Yeah! (goes Super Saia-jin) Haa!  
  
Vincent: (gets out of the rubble) Watch out, he can regenerate!  
  
Cloud: Vinny!  
  
Janemba: (teleports up to Cloud as he''s facing away and punches him into the dirt) Sucker punched!  
  
Cloud: (in a crater) My head is sore!  
  
Tifa: You bastard! (Kicks him in the nuts)  
  
Janemba: Damn! There goes the second one! (Jumps out of the way of a Missing Score shot)  
  
Barret: Hold still ya red faggot!  
  
Vincent: I am- (transforms into Galian Beast) GALIAN BEAST! Beast flare!  
  
Goku: Kame-hame-ha!  
  
Vegeta: Final Flash!  
  
Cid: Dynamite!  
  
Barret: Catastrophe!  
  
Cait''s Friend: Tequila man! (Throws an empty bottle at him)  
  
Cait Sith: Dice!  
  
Red XIII: Cosmo memory!  
  
They all fuse together into the ultimate attack, Da Demon Spanka!  
  
Janemba: Shit! (Crosses his arms in front of him and gets engulfed in the wave)  
  
Cloud: (gets up) Shit! I didn''t even get to hit him!  
  
Tifa: On the bright side, we blew up half of Wutai.  
  
All: Hell yeah!  
  
Reno: My work here is done. (Walks into what''s left of the bar)  
  
Rude: ... damn. (Walks into the bar coughing)  
  
Aeris: Oh, that was so macho!  
  
Cid: Thanks!  
  
Aeris: Screw you! (Breaks his nose)  
  
Cid: @#$@*$*%$^*)#$(^*)$%#)^*#)$*^)*^%^ &)%*&^$( *^%(@&$(&(^&(%$^*#*~(*~($*#(*^(*#$^($*%&(*%*&$%&$^%(&*)%$(^*#_(@)(*%)(#*^)%$ *&$*%&*!!!  
  
Goku: Whoa, Cid pulled a Cid!  
  
Cait Sith: No shit, Sherlock.  
  
Red XIII: I fart on your grave. (Lets one rip)  
  
Barret: I pity da foo who farts on Barret.  
  
Goku: Wait, I sense an evil presence!  
  
Vegeta: He''s still alive!?  
  
Cait''s Fiend: Fajita man?  
  
Vegeta: DAMMIT!!! Stop calling me that! It''s Vegeta! Vegeta-Vegeta-Fajita! (Realizes what he just said) AARG!!!  
  
An energy bolt knocks Cait''s friend off his feet.  
  
Vegeta: YeS!  
  
Janemba: Don''t mention it.  
  
Cait''s friend: Tequila man? (Gets up)  
  
Janemba: What?! Drinking all that tequila gave his power level a huge boost!  
  
Cloud: Looks like I get to fight after all! Omnislash!!!!  
  
Janemba: Oh, poops! (Gets sliced up real bad)  
  
Cloud: (cracks his neck) You''ve been spanked, -  
  
All: Bitch!  
  
Janemba: (draws his sword) How''d you do that? Like this? Omnislash!!  
  
Cloud: Oh f**k. (Gets smacked around and sliced up)  
  
All: (gasp)  
  
Cloud: I''m okay!  
  
Barret: Eat this shit! Double Big Shot! (Blow off Janemba''s arms)  
  
Janemba: My arms! You son of a bitch! (Grows them back)  
  
Cid: Time for some fun, you dirty f**k f**king f**ker! Dragon Jump!  
  
Janemba: (gets blown around) Damn, I''d better make a run for it! (Turns to run and gets cut in half by--)  
  
Sephiroth: Me!! Whoo-hoo! I finally did something right!  
  
All: (slack jawed)  
  
Cloud: Holy shit, he actually did something right!  
  
Cait''s Friend: Tequila man!  
  
Sephiroth: You said it!  
  
Goku: You can understand him too?  
  
Sephiroth: No shit, Sherlock.  
  
Cait Sith: That piece of shit stole my line!  
  
Tifa: I say we bust his balls!  
  
Cid: As if the fag has any balls!  
  
Sephiroth: You''re beginning to arouse my iron!  
  
Barret: Kiss my black ass!  
  
Sephiroth: That''s it, I''m on a role, so I may as well push it! (Draws his sword, and his pants fall off)  
  
All: (laugh so hard they fall onto their asses)  
  
Sephiroth: Shit. I''m off! (Pulls up his pants and runs away, then trips over his pants and falls, gets up and redoes the process 15 times)  
  
Cait''s friend: Tequila man!  
  
Janemba: (teleports behind his drunk ass, grabs him and starts to fly away) I''ll clone an army from his invincible drunk DNA!  
  
Cid: That''s about as smart as the time Yuffie tried to get enough cash to by a car by prostitution!  
  
All: (shudder)  
  
Cloud: Don''t remind me...  
  
Vegeta: She snuck into my room and tried to get it on with me once.  
  
Aeris: I''ll kill that slutty whore!!!!  
  
Tifa: Hey, watch it!  
  
Aeris: I wasn''t talking about you, Double D!  
  
Tifa: Ancient bitch!  
  
Aeris: BRING IT ON, BITCH!!  
  
Cloud: BOTH OF YOU, SHUT UP!  
  
Both: Sorry Cloud.  
  
Vegeta: So, Kakarot, what do you think he''s gonna do?  
  
Goku: I think he''ll try to resurrect Buu!  
  
Vegeta: (kicks him in the knee) He already told us he was going to clone the drunken #%@$er, dumbass! Pay attention!  
  
Goku: Sorry!  
  
Cid: Shut the f**k up!  
  
Vegeta: (swipes his cigarette)  
  
Cid: I can''t... #^%#^#... breath!  
  
Barret: Serves ya right foo!  
  
Cloud: Isn''t this horribly stolen?  
  
Author: Shut the f**k up you blond fag.  
  
Cloud: Make me you- (spasms) You know, Tifa''s ass sure has gotten bigger.  
  
Tifa: (REALLY pissed) What?!  
  
Cloud: And I get a hard on whenever I see Cid.  
  
Cid: (gasp) You little... (gasp) bastard! I could (gasp) shove this spear up your (gasp) Ass!  
  
Cloud: (twitches several times) Please do, I''m sure it would be much better than (horrible spasm) Tifa''s loose pussy!  
  
Tifa: YOU FAG!! (does her chain of Limit Breaks on him)  
  
Cloud: (laying beaten, bruised and bloody on the ground) What just happened?  
  
Author: You messed with the wrong omnipotent asshole!  
  
Tifa: You made him say that my pussy was loose!  
  
Cid: You (gasp) #$@%@%%@(gasp)#%%#$%#%$%(gasp)%@%@#%ER!!!  
  
Aeris: (hands him the cigarette) Here.  
  
Cid: (inhales the entire thing in one drag and pulls another one out of his pack) That''s better!  
  
Vincent: If you had a whole pack, why did you need that one?  
  
Cid: My DNA attunes to every smoke, and it''s different in every smoke! I needed to finish that one, Vamp-fag!  
  
Goku: You really shouldn''t call people fags.  
  
Cid and Vegeta: FAG!  
  
Goku: Should''ve seen that coming.  
  
Red XIII: Yes you should have. (Farts on Cloud)  
  
Cloud: What the hell did I do!?  
  
Red XIII: You were closer.  
  
Vegeta: HEY!!  
  
All: (shut up)  
  
Vegeta: Where the hell is Dav?  
  
All: (shrug)  
  
[Somewhere else that has Sailor Moon characters]  
  
Musashi: I''m a little turd!  
  
Dav: Yes you are. Justice Slash! (Kills him)  
  
Musashi: Poops and toots... (dies)  
  
Sailor Mercury: I can''t believe how many bad characters are trying to bust through to this fic universe!  
  
Dav: I can believe we had twins!  
  
Sailor Mercury: Isn''t it a miracle?  
  
Dav: Sure... (kills Butz)  
  
Butz: I shall return! In a thong! (Dies)  
  
[Back on the way to Midgar]  
  
Cloud: Who knows what vile plans he has going on in his red, spiky helmeted head?  
  
Vincent: (cleaning Death Penalty) Maybe he''s watching tv?  
  
Cait Sith: Or torturing my poor friend...  
  
Red XIII: I''ll call Mina. (Walks off)  
  
Tifa: I think we need more help.  
  
Author: Did I just hear that?  
  
Vincent: It''s all done in text, there''s no way you heard that.  
  
Author: For the sake of me not teleporting you into princess Ruto''s bedroom,  
  
All: (shudder)  
  
Author: I''m going to give you help. Prepare yourselves for Mike and Ryan!  
  
The two mentioned dudes teleport in, in all their horny teenage glory.  
  
Ryan: Wazzup?!  
  
Mike: Hello.  
  
Cid: Stupid %$^&%$&$%&^$%*^%@$^&^(^%$&%$*&^()*&*^%^%$&%$*^%(&^(&^%!!!!!!!!!! You gave us a retard and a fat ass!?  
  
Mike and Ryan: (double clothesline Cid)  
  
Ryan: (flips kicks him into midair)  
  
Mike: (roundhouses him out of midair)  
  
Cid: (hanging off the railing by a torn ligament) Ouch.  
  
Cloud: That''s it, into the airship, everyone.  
  
[Run down shack under a bridge outside of Midgar, Seph''s place]  
  
Sephiroth: Bob! Did you see my spare belt?  
  
Bob: You mean the really long anal floss?  
  
Sephiroth: Yes!  
  
Bob: I don''t know why I even visited you. (Hands it to him)  
  
Sephiroth: Because I own all your porn and you won''t buy any yourself.  
  
Bob: I guess that''s true.  
  
Eve: (smashes through the front door) BOB!!  
  
Sephiroth: Hey! Do you know how expensive doors are?  
  
Eve: About fifty bucks each.  
  
Sephiroth: I don''t have that kind of cash!  
  
Bob: STOP IT!! (starts to cry) You''re giving me some serious mental damage!  
  
Eve: Oh boohoo! Grow up you little worm!  
  
Sephiroth: Don''t talk to my son like that, bitch!  
  
Eve: Seeing you this angry, damn! I think I''m falling for you!  
  
Sephiroth: Wanna get married?  
  
Eve: Yes!!  
  
Bob: We can be a family!  
  
Sephiroth: Too bad, bitch! HAHAHAHAAH!!!  
  
Bob: My dad is such a stupid asshole.  
  
Eve: HOW DARE YOU!? You''re nothing... a PAWN!!  
  
Sephiroth: Oh, Eve?  
  
Eve: (about to turn him into an ash) What?!  
  
Sephiroth: Meet my mother.  
  
Lucrecia: Hello!  
  
Sephiroth: And you are?  
  
Lucrecia: I''m your mother!  
  
Sephiroth: (picks her up and throws her out of his house) And stay out!  
  
Jenova: Did I hear my cue?  
  
Bob: Hey grandma.  
  
Eve: Who the hell are you? Another bad look alike?  
  
Jenova: You wish bitch, out of my son''s house!  
  
Eve: BRING IT ON YOU OLD SLUT!!  
  
Bob: (starts to cry on his dad''s shoulders)  
  
Sephiroth: Urr... (pat''s him on the back, not knowing what to do)  
  
Jenova: Eat lasers you whore! (Zap''s Eve out of the house)  
  
Eve: Oh yeah?! (attack Jenova)  
  
Janemba: (drawn by the explosions) What the hell is going on here?  
  
Sephiroth: YOU!  
  
Janemba: YOU!!  
  
Bob: YOU!!  
  
Sephiroth and Janemba: (look at him, confused)  
  
Bob: I felt left out. (Grabs a Penthouse)  
  
Janemba: I feel an ultimate power coming form the boy!  
  
Sephiroth: That''s because he''s MY son!  
  
Janemba: Then I''ll need both of you for my experiment!  
  
Sephiroth: You''re a scientist?  
  
Janemba: ... for my evil plan!  
  
Sephiroth: Better.  
  
Bob: Will there be free porn?  
  
Janemba: Prostitutes galore!!  
  
Bob: I''m coming. C''mon dad!  
  
Sephiroth: Wait up.  
  
Janemba: (teleports all three away)  
  
Eve: Where''d they go?  
  
Jenova: Your sluttiness scared them off, bitch!  
  
Eve: Bring it on!  
  
Lucrecia: Oh no, I''d better tell Vincent.  
  
[AVALANCHE HQ]  
  
Vegeta: So then I say we attack head on, regardless of the risks!  
  
Cloud: But he doesn''t have aby defences yet, it be too cheap a finish for the fic!  
  
Mina: I don''t care, the bastard stole my man!  
  
Vincent: To our great relief.  
  
Cait Sith: No one disses my friend!  
  
Cid: That''s #$%@%$ bullshit. EVERYONE disses that little @$%# #^$%&^$ $&^& 454!  
  
Tifa: 454?  
  
Cid: Shut up you little ^*&^^!!  
  
Cloud: (smacks him upside the head with Ultima Weapon) Don''t disrespect my woman!  
  
Mike: Still, I agree with Cloud. I''d rather have a good fight!  
  
Ryan: Damn straight!  
  
Red XIII: You people sure like violence, don''t you?  
  
All: Hell yeah!  
  
Red XIII: Then go on a goddamn killing rampage and leave me the f**k alone!  
  
Aeris: Vegeta, I''m bored!  
  
Vegeta: Say no more! (To Barret) Swear around Pants and my foot is going up your ass!  
  
Barret: I pity da foo'' who don''t say shit all.  
  
Vegeta: (shoves his foot up Barret''s ass)  
  
Barret: Ma ass! Ma f**king ass!  
  
Vegeta: (kicks him off his foot) I said watch your mouth!!  
  
Aeris: I am so hot!  
  
Vegeta: Yeah baby! (They run off)  
  
Tifa: Cloud?  
  
Cloud: (undoing his pants) Way ahead of you!  
  
Tifa: Yeah baby! (They run off)  
  
*FART*  
  
Cait Sith: Dammit Red!  
  
Red XIII: It wasn''t me!  
  
Phillip: Oh my, I farted!  
  
Cid: What''s wrong with the #$^%#%#$ face?!  
  
Vincent: He''s Canadian.  
  
Mike and Ryan: Boo yeah!  
  
Barret: I pity da foo'' who like Canada.  
  
Ryan: What was that?  
  
Mike: You disrespecting our home?  
  
Barret: What''cha going to do about it?  
  
Mike: Scottish Rage! (Limit break)  
  
Barret: (gets the crap pounded out of him, then thrown up into the air and stomped back down)  
  
Ryan: Cheap Shot! (Runs up to Barret, kicks him in the neck, scratches his eyes and pulls him up by the ears, then knee''s him in the groin)  
  
Barret: (really squeaky voice) I pity da foo who sacs Barret Wallace. (Passes out)  
  
Cid: Ha! The monkey fag is out cold! (Lights another smoke)  
  
[Janemba''s Fortress like place]  
  
Bob: (in bed with Yuffie) Was it good for you too?  
  
Yuffie: Was what good? I kept telling you to start and you kept telling me you already had started. (Giggles) I think that I would have felt something.  
  
Bob: (thinking) Must be drunk. (Out loud) Id better tell my dad the good news! I''m not a virgin anymore, again!  
  
Yuffie: What do you mean, again?  
  
Bob: You''re the only one!!  
  
Yuffie: Oh I had better be the only one!  
  
[Highwind]  
  
Vincent: (shudders horribly]  
  
Red XIII: Are you alright?  
  
Vincent: ...  
  
Red XIII: Good, I was getting worried.  
  
Vincent: ...  
  
Cloud: You don''t have to yell!  
  
Vincent: ..?  
  
Barret''s voice on the wind: I heard that, foo?!  
  
Vincent: .?!  
  
Tifa: They so ARE real!  
  
Vincent: ..?!?!  
  
Vegeta: Don''t you be comparing my wife''s breasts with hers!  
  
Vincent: ..!  
  
Mike''s voice on the wind: CANADA DOES NOT SUCK YOU DIRTY BASTARD!!!  
  
Vincent: !!!  
  
Cait Sith: My mother never did that!!!  
  
Vincent: What the hell is going on? I feel something wrong... from Yuffie.  
  
Ryan: She''s still alive? Damn.  
  
Vincent: ...  
  
Ryan: SOORRY! I didn''t realize you two were close.  
  
Vincent: Are you people insane?  
  
Cid: What the @%$# would make you think that? $@%#%#%$^^#% vampire!  
  
Vincent: (loads the Death Penalty and brandished it menacingly) Next man to call me a vampire losses a knee.  
  
Mike: (walks in and sees Vincent with the rifle) What''s wrong with the vampire?  
  
Vincent: (blows out Mike''s knee)  
  
Mike: OH MY GOD!!  
  
Vincent: ...  
  
[Janemba''s place]  
  
Janemba: So let me get this straight, the girl who stole my watch may or may not be carrying the child the ultimate being and therefore killing her would hurt my plans?  
  
Sephiroth: Better than my idea. (Beat him over the head with a rolled up mag until Yuffie gives birth)  
  
Bob: (looking through a Playboy) SWEET!!  
  
Yuffie: (freaking out) I''m only sixteen!!! I can''t be pregnant!! Oh, I have to tell dad!!  
  
Janemba: I don''t think you can.  
  
Yuffie: Why not?  
  
Janemba: Let''s say... he wasted his cameo. MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!  
  
Yuffie: (looks down) Oh my god, that pringle gave me five pounds!  
  
Sephiroth: No, it only takes about 3... 4 hours to give birth to an ultimate being.  
  
Bob: How the hell do you know that?  
  
Sephiroth: I''m speaking from experience.  
  
Yuffie: You''re Bob''s mom!?  
  
Sephiroth: No.  
  
Janemba: (buries his face in his hand) This is so goddamn frustrating.  
  
Lucrecia: (runs in) Vincent!! I have to tell you about Janemba''s evil-- (sees who''s there) God, no! Stupid author kept jumping from scene to scene and I got confused!  
  
Sephiroth: Hey, crazy Lu from under the bridge! Still think I''m your son?  
  
Lucrecia: Screw it. (Runs off)  
  
Janemba; You people are freaking messed.  
  
Yuffie: I can''t believe I''m pregnant!  
  
Bob: I''m gonna be a dad, just like my dad! Yippy! (Starts looking through another Playboy)  
  
Sephiroth: If you''re going to be a dad, you going to have to go through it!  
  
Janemba: You have got to be shitting me!  
  
Bob: I''m not going to marry her!!  
  
Yuffie: And why the hell not?!  
  
Sephiroth: The baby''ll be here soon, and I won''t have a bastard grandchild!  
  
Cait''s friend: (comes staggering in drunk as usual) Tequila man!! Te-quui- la ma-aaaaaan!!!  
  
Janemba: Of course! I''ll inject the materia whore with the cells of the drunkard and he''ll fuse with that of the child!! It shall be the most powerful creature TO EVER EXIST!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Yuffie: I thought you said you weren''t an evil bastard?  
  
Janemba: Oh shut up.  
  
Bob: Who should we invite to the wedding?  
  
Sephiroth: AVALANCHE would be perfect! It''ll be an everlasting truce between the puppet and our family!  
  
Yuffie: *coughbullshitcough*  
  
Bob: Did you say a bull shit?  
  
Yuffie: How stupid are you?  
  
Sephiroth: ENOUGH! I''ll prepare the invitations.  
  
Janemba: Ooh, ooh!  
  
Bob: What?  
  
Janemba: Use an instant plot device! I still haven''t seen one in action!  
  
All: Just add water.  
  
Author: Yeah, yeah...  
  
[Highwind]  
  
Every member of the group, Goku and the Canadians included, magically got a invite.  
  
Cloud''s voice from his bedroom: HOLY SHIT!!  
  
Goku: (reading it out loud) You are cordi... cordio... cordal...  
  
Vegeta: Baka! It''s cordially!  
  
Goku: I knew that. ''You are cordially invited to the wedding of Boob, son of Sephiroth and Yuffie, materia whore and snob goblin extra ordinaire.''  
  
Vicnent: ..?  
  
Red XIII: I agree with Vincent, it''s a typo for Bob.  
  
Vincent: ... you people are messed.  
  
Goku: Hey, a wedding! I haven''t been to a wedding since that kick ass fic ''Day of Insanity''.  
  
Mike: (runs in) Did someone say Day of Insanity!?  
  
Goku: Me.  
  
Mike: Cool. (Grabs a coke and sits down) Since when did this place have an upstairs? Since when did any of these hideouts have floors?  
  
Vegeta: When ''they'' said so!  
  
Ryan: They?  
  
Barret: I pity da foo'' who don''t know ''they''.  
  
Cid: F**king kids these days. Got no respect for f**king geniuses.  
  
Barret: Since when the f**k did you?  
  
Cid: (shoves his spear up Barret''s ass) Since I said so!  
  
Barret: Ma ass! My f**king ass!!  
  
Red XIII: ''I''?  
  
Cid: You don''t wanna be messing with the pilot of this airship, do ya Crossbreed?  
  
Red XIII: (sits back down) Not after you kicked Captain Obvious'' ass off.  
  
Vincent: ...  
  
Red XIII: The feeling is mutual.  
  
Vincent: I hate all of you so much.  
  
Aeris: Oh, I get to wear a dress!  
  
Cloud: (coming out of the bedroom) Did a letter appear in front of your guys faces too?  
  
All: Yeah.  
  
Cloud: Cause I flipped out when it happened to me.  
  
Cait Sith: Why?  
  
Tifa: Let''s just say he was doing something. (Hands him the letter covered in Tifa juice)  
  
All: Oh.  
  
Red XIII: I don''t get it.  
  
All: And you never will! (Surprised) Hell yeah! Stop copying me! Bitch! Ooh..!  
  
Vincent: You put all, and I clearly didn''t say anything.  
  
Author: Saves space.  
  
Cait Sith: (to Mike) Why do you always put ''author''? You''re the jackass who talks!  
  
Mike: Because I didn''t want people to realize this was a self insert author fic, dick!  
  
Ryan: You''ve broken his jackass spirit.  
  
Mike: QUIT CALLING ME A JACKASS!! (runs off crying)  
  
Cloud: Was he just crying?  
  
Author: No.  
  
All: AAH!!!  
  
Vincent: (clears his throat)  
  
All except Vincent: AAH!!!  
  
Vincent: Thank you.  
  
Goku: Where''s that voice coming from?  
  
Author: I am everywhere, and always.  
  
Cait Sith: What if it''s a different writer?  
  
Author: I''m competition. Grr!  
  
All: (sweatdrop)  
  
Vincent: I didn''t sweatdrop. (Bucket of water pours on his head) Point taken. Tart?  
  
Author: I read all of the saga.  
  
Vincent: Even Wild Wild Sith?  
  
Author: Shut up.  
  
Aeris: Let''s get ready for the wedding!  
  
Tifa: What wedding?  
  
Vegeta: That Barny f**ker is marrying Seph-dumbass-iroth''s son.  
  
Cloud: Hand it over.  
  
Vegeta: (mumbles incoherently and hands Cloud 5000 gil)  
  
Aeris: Huh?  
  
Cloud: I bet vegeta that only Bob would ever marry Yuf-bitch.  
  
Author: Copyright Yuf-bitch as a logo of Ryke enterprises. Borrow it, don''t steal it.  
  
Cait Sith: Quit doing that!  
  
Red XIII: (swinging across the room, oblivious to everyone else) Whee!  
  
Author: Sorry.  
  
Cid: Damn, again! Quit saying it like Cloud!  
  
Cloud: Hey!  
  
Cid: Say ''F**K YOU YOU STUPID PIECE OF S**T F**KING S**T!!!''  
  
Author: (makes Cait slam head first into a wall) Don''t tell me what to do.  
  
Mike''s voice from his room: DICK!!  
  
Goku: This is getting messed.  
  
Vincent: You overlooked the fact that Vegeta thought Yuffie wasn''t a whore.  
  
All: (gasp)  
  
Vegeta: I bet that not even Bob-shit would marry a slut like her! (To Cloud) AND THERE''S A CAPITAL IN MY NAME!!  
  
Cloud: (reads back a few lines) My bad.  
  
Tifa: At least my man isn''t an ass!  
  
Aeris: At least my husband HAS AN ASS!  
  
Cloud: (looks over his shoulder)  
  
Tifa: Bitch!  
  
Aeris: Slut!  
  
Tifa: Ancient bitch!  
  
Aeris: Double D!  
  
Both: (start to rumble... yet a-freaking-gain)  
  
Cloud: (pries them apart) ENOUGH!!  
  
Both: Sorry Cloud...  
  
Ryan: Cock whipped!  
  
Both: (punch him out)  
  
Barret: I pity da foo who brings stranga''s to weddings.  
  
Cloud: Good call. Mike and Ryan aren''t going.  
  
Ryan: Then why are we still headed for Janemba''s super secret in the middle of Corel Prison hideout?  
  
THIRTY SECONDS LATER  
  
Barret: (throws Mike and Ryan off the Highwind) And stay out, foos''!!  
  
Mike and Ryan: WHAAAA!!! (slam into Junon harbor) Oof!!  
  
Ryan: I think I broke my stomach!  
  
Mike: There are no bone''s in stomachs!  
  
Ryan: Then I think my liver exploded.  
  
Mike: Better get back to Midgar. (Whistles and his Chocobo BJ) Come''s.  
  
BJ: (Bryan Joey. Not what you thought, eh?) Wark!  
  
Ryan: Icky-icky-whoop-whoop!! (his Chocobo Dink comes)  
  
Dink: Kweh!  
  
Mike: (stared at Ryan)  
  
Ryan: I didn''t know he was a FF9 chocobo!  
  
Mike: Too bad I have a black and you have a red. It''ll take a while, eh? (Runs off)  
  
Ryan: Wait! My chocobo isn''t as good as yours! (Chases after)  
  
[Janemba''s super secret middle of Corel prison hideout, aka the Demon Charmer brothel aka the bar that never could aka-  
  
Janemba: We got the point!  
  
But I''m not even halfway done!  
  
Janemba: WHO THE HELL CARES?!  
  
Good point.  
  
All of AVALANCHE is present, and their al dressed in tux''s and dresses except Cait, who''s still nude, Red who''s wearing a bow tie dog collar and Tequila man who''s so drunk he''s wearing both, leaving Mina nude. YEAH BABY!  
  
Cait''s friend: V-babe!  
  
Mina: I''m so cold! I mean, look at my nipples! They could take an eye out!  
  
Cait''s friend: (ruins the tux, wink wink) V-babe..!  
  
Yuffie comes down the isle wearing a kimono with a veil, roughly 7 months pregnant in two and a half hours, with Sephiroth.  
  
Sephiroth: (watery eyed) This is the happiest day of my life.  
  
Yuffie: (bawling her eyes out)  
  
Then comes Bob with Zangya (DBZ movie 9).  
  
Bob: Heh heh, can''t wait for the honeymoon.  
  
Zangya: (teary eyed) I''m so happy you let me out of Anime hell for an hour.  
  
No prob. And the man marrying them is none other than the holiest man in FF7, Buhganhagan!  
  
Buhganhagan: Ho ho hoo!  
  
Bob: I do.  
  
Buhgganhagan: Ho ho hoo?  
  
Yuffie: NO!! Don''t make me marry him!  
  
Cid: Remind you of my wedding?  
  
Barret: I never say Kate Winslut cry like that my whole life.  
  
Buhganhagen: Then I pronounce you man... and...  
  
Sephiroth: (mouths out ''wife'')  
  
Buhganhagen: Wife!  
  
Tifa: I get all emotional at weddings, don''t you? (Turns to see Vegeta and Aeris making out) Not a bad idea.  
  
Cloud: Huh? (Gets grabbed and forced onto the ground)  
  
Cait Sith: Should I really be nude at a wedding?  
  
Red XIII: She is- (gestures to Mina) and no one is complaining.  
  
Vincent: ...  
  
Bob: I heard that!!  
  
Vincent: I won''t even ask.  
  
Janemba: (brooding and thinking to himself) That''s right, don''t even suspect that I sent my most loyal Anime Hellions to attack their unguarded base.  
  
Barret: I hope the two foos'' we left at the base aren''t messing anything up!  
  
Janemba: D''OH!!  
  
All: (turn and look at him)  
  
Vincent: Biassed.  
  
All except Vincent: (turn and look at him)  
  
Vincent: I''m looking, Cait''s friend isn''t though.  
  
DammitDAMMITDAMMIT!!!!  
  
[Midgar]  
  
Mike: (viewing the scene in front of him) Oh, shit.  
  
Ultimate Weapon: (fires an ultima beam and blows up a couple houses in sector 8)  
  
Ryan: F**k are we going to be in trouble.  
  
Mike: (mumbling) Sods.  
  
Ultima Weapon: (sees Ryan and Mike) HROAHH!!  
  
Ryan: HyaAA!! (transforms into his RPG body. Think black SOLDIER outfit with no shoulder pads) Let''s go, bitch!  
  
Mike: Hurg! (transforms into his RPG form, think Magus with no cloak) Got pike?  
  
Ultima Weapon: Grr. (Fires another Ultima Beam)  
  
Ryan: (doges it) Monkey see...  
  
Mike: Monkey DO!!  
  
Ryan: (uses Mike as a spring to jump face to face with Weapon) Ultima beam!  
  
Ultima Weapon: (face is reduced to glowing red eyes and fused metal)  
  
Ryan: (still in midair) Meh.  
  
Ultima Weapon: GRR! (Fires W-laser from it''s eyes)  
  
Ryan: Sod. (Get''s smashed into a roof)  
  
Mike: You dick! Break! (Casts break)  
  
Ultima Weapon: (a huge rock cracks in half on his head) Heh. Grr. (Knocks on his head)  
  
Mike: Oh yeah. I forgot that you Weapon''s are just hard minerals. Too bad your all steel.  
  
Ultima Weapon: Grr?  
  
Mike: Because it leaves you as nothing more than a big electrical conductor! Bolt 3! (Casts bolt 3. Duh)  
  
Ultima Weapon: GRR! (Get''s turned into a hovering fused mess)  
  
Ryan: (jumps up) Now to cool it. Freeze!  
  
Guess what happens.  
  
Ultima Weapon: Grr... (becomes a freaky statue and hit''s the ground, dead)  
  
Mike: Boo yeah.  
  
Both: (do their... special victory poses)  
  
Unfortunately it attracted about fifty other badies.  
  
Ryan: Is it just me or are these really tough enemies?  
  
Mike: To put it bluntly, we''re f**ked.  
  
Ryan: How are we gonna get help?  
  
Mike: Already got that covered.  
  
Greymon: Nova blast! (Fires a big fireball, leaving the two dodging)  
  
Medabee: Eat lead, dipshit! (Fires with his machine guns)  
  
Nappa: Eat ki. Yum, ki! Heehee, I rhymed ki with ki! (Throws a ki ball)  
  
[Wedding]  
  
Author: Help! Janemba backstabbed us and is trying to blow up the base! I am everywhere and always.  
  
Cloud: (jumps off Tifa) You son of a bitch!  
  
Janemba: To the Nemba mobile!  
  
Sephiroth and Janemba jump into a broken down Ford Aero Star and drove off for half a mile, break down, jump out and run like hell.  
  
Cid: YOU #^%$&^^%&^$%^%&%$&&%*&%$**^*^%&%$@&!%!*$@*^((&^(&%$$!&%$!**^%^%^(&%&%$@&%$@* ^*^% &%&%$@*^%(&%(&% &%$@*^(*&%*&^%*^% &$%*^*^%&%$&%$@*&$@!!! Were gonna blow up my taped DUKES!!!  
  
Barret: I pity da foo who @%$%&^$%$&^&$%&#!&^%$''s off.  
  
Cait Sith: Time for the final showdown!  
  
Mina: Let''s show em a thing or two!  
  
Cait''s friend: Tequila man!  
  
Vegeta: Let''s go!  
  
Red XIII: To the Highwind!  
  
All: (just stare at him)  
  
Vincent: It was so bad even I did it.  
  
Aeris: The moment is ruined.  
  
Goku: Not even I''m that much of a dick.  
  
Yuffie: That''s right, go and get killed! OW! I think I''m going into contractions!  
  
Bob: To the hospital!  
  
Yuffie: I''m not going to enjoy my life.  
  
[Midgar, sector 8 ruins]  
  
Mike: Ultima! (Blows away a sandshrew)  
  
Ryan: Shadow Flare! (Evaporates a Yu-gi-oh card)  
  
Yugi: My beaver warrior! You monster!  
  
Ryan: Hya! (Flips over Yugi and slices him in half with his ninja-to)  
  
Ash: Pikachu, thunder shit!  
  
Pikachu: (craps out electricity at Mike)  
  
Mike: Damn! (Staggers) This was a good shirt! AAAAARRG!! Tornado!!  
  
Pikachu: Pika!! (gets slammed through a hundred glass windows and turned into pika-patties)  
  
Ash: No, PIKACHU!! (starts to cry) We were friends, weren''t we?  
  
Mike: Talk it over... in HELL!! Mwuahahah!  
  
Ash: C''mon, even I saw that coming!  
  
Mike: F**k off! (Kills him with his pike)  
  
WereGarurumon: Some kind of punch attack!  
  
Ryan: (jumps out of the way and slices it''s head off)  
  
Wizardmon: (hit''s him with a spell)  
  
Ryan: Shit! I killed you!  
  
Wizardmon: Digimon heal quick.  
  
Ryan: Heal after this! Fire 3!  
  
Wizardmon: I knew I should have bought a flame retardant cloak. (Burns to ash, get''s blown into the wind, sucked into a vacuum and the vacuum get''s pissed on by a dog. Overkill? I think not)  
  
Mike: Arg! (Gets whipped by Myotismon) I really put too many Digimon into hell!  
  
Myotismon: Grizzly Wing! (launches a bunch of bats)  
  
Mike: Bolt 2! (Kills the bats) Ice 2! (Kills Myotismon) We need help soon, I''m out of MP!  
  
Tessai: (from Ninja Scroll. Hey, I don''t like rapists) Eat a swallow! (Throws his double sided sword at him)  
  
Mike: Damn! (Gets a bad cut to his shoulder) LIMIT BREAK ACTION!!! Dragoon Fury! (Does a jump attack, and his shadow a second after for added damage)  
  
Tessai: Ha! I am a rock! (Cracks apart) Crap.  
  
Paikuhan(Pikkon) Thunder Claw!  
  
Ryan: (walks up beside him) Too slow! (Guts him like a fish)  
  
Radditz: I''m a ditz! (Punches Ryan in the gut)  
  
Ryan: Without a dick!  
  
Radditz: (look down) I have one.  
  
Ryan: (err... dismembers him) Not anymore!  
  
Radditz: POOPSIE! (Kills himslef)  
  
Random Beyblade dude1: Let''s rip! (Farts)  
  
Ryan: (coughs and gags) Limit break from hell! Shadow slash! (His shadow runs up to him and slices him five times)  
  
Beyblade dude: I''m fine. (Notices the countdown over his head) Crap. (Dies)  
  
Cell: Time to die. Kame-hame-ha!  
  
Mike: Damn! (Get''s blown off his feet)  
  
Cell: Kikoho!  
  
Ryan: Damn! (Get''s blown off his feet)  
  
Cell: And to finish- (get''s hit be a missile payload and dies)  
  
Cid: WHOO-HOO! I''m gonna tear your eyes out and skull f**k ya you goddamn F**KS!!  
  
Cloud: Attack!  
  
Cid: Damn, again?  
  
Cloud: NOT NOW! (Parachutes off)  
  
AVALANCHE+Goku: Hell yeah! (Jump off after him)  
  
Cait''s friend: (gets drunk and staggers off)  
  
Mina: Wait up! (Jumps after him)  
  
Aeris: Full cure! (Heals the jackass and Ryan)  
  
Mike: Damn, I even call myself that!  
  
Frieza: More monkeys come to die.  
  
Vegeta: Not so fast, Frieza!  
  
Frieza: And how are you going to stop me? FREEZE me?! HAHAHAHAHA!!  
  
AVALANCHE: (look at each other and shrug)  
  
Vicent: Sounds good. Ice 3!  
  
Frieza: (becomes an icecube)  
  
Vegeta: (tips him over)  
  
Frieza: (smashes)  
  
Cooler: You bastard! You killed my sister!  
  
Goku: Brother.  
  
Cooler: Whatever! (Transforms into his ultimate form)  
  
Goku: HAA! (goes ssj)  
  
Cooler: (rushes Goku and punches him)  
  
Medabee: Two gun arms? Nono- I''m the only man with two gun arm!  
  
Barret: I pity da foo'' who has as many gun arms as Barret! (Open''s fire)  
  
Medabee: (returns fire)  
  
[somewhere else]  
  
Yuffie: AAAAAHH!!  
  
Bob: Push, push! Man is this HOT!!  
  
Yuffie: I dilated 10cm in 30seconds!  
  
[back where it counts]  
  
Cloud: You wanna go, punk?  
  
Jubei Yagyu: (draws his katana''s) Let us duel.  
  
Cloud: (draws Ultima Weapon AND Ragnarok) LET''S DANCE!  
  
Jubei: (slicing at Cloud) Omnislice!  
  
Cloud: Omnislash!  
  
Tifa: Bitch!  
  
Videl: Slut! (Throws a hook)  
  
Tifa: (dodges it, and gives the whole limit break chain)  
  
Videl: Gohan, f**k me one last time!  
  
Gohan: No can do, I''m a little busy. (Get''s dragged back to in my favour land)  
  
Cait Sith: What the hell are you?  
  
Korin: I''m the only talking cat!  
  
Cait Sith: Oh yeah? Dice!  
  
They roll all ones.  
  
Cait Sith: Crap.  
  
Korin: Die! (Pokes the Moogle with the stick)  
  
Cait Sith: (grabs the megaphone) WHAT?!  
  
Korin: Damn! (Dies of a heart attack)  
  
Aeris: Bring it on, flower girl!  
  
Misty: I''m not a flower girl! I summon you, starmie!  
  
Psyduck: (pops out) Quack.  
  
Misty: I didn''t call you!  
  
Aeris: (smacks psyduck over the head and shoves princess guard up Misty''s ass)  
  
Misty: My ASS!! My f**king ass!!  
  
Brock: This is turning me on!  
  
Aeris: (throws Misty into Brock) Fire!  
  
Both: Crap. (Get burned severely)  
  
Cait''s friend: Tequila man!  
  
Master Roshi: Porn!  
  
Cait''s Friend: Tequila!  
  
Roshi: Porn!  
  
Cait''s Friend: TEQUILA MAN!!  
  
Roshi: PORN!!  
  
Cait''s Friend: Tequila surprise! (Pulls a curtain in front of him)  
  
Zip. Slush... zip.  
  
Cait''s Friend: (pulls the curtain away) Tequila. (Throws the bottle of... tequila? At master Roshi)  
  
Roshi: Porn!!! (gets hit with the bottle and the tequila? Burns him like acid)  
  
Mina: Better transform! (Starts to change)  
  
Vegeta: Oof! (Hits a wall)  
  
Bojack: Never mess with an intergalactic pirate. (Throws a k ball into Vegeta and demolishes the building)  
  
Vegeta: (appears behind Bojack and goes ssj2) HYA!  
  
Bojack: How the- OOF! (Gets a fist through the stomach)  
  
Vegeta: Die. (Fires a ki blast in his stomach, blowing him in half) The defeat to a saia-jin warrior only MAKES HIM STRONGER!!! HAAAAA!! (powers up)  
  
Goku: (zanzoken''s all over the place to mess up Cooler)  
  
Cooler: Huh?  
  
Goku: (appears right under him) Kame-hame-ha!  
  
Cooler: Crap! (Gets disintegrated balls first)  
  
Vincent: Hello.  
  
Kaze: (who looks just like Vincent) Hello.  
  
Vincent: Let''s go! (Loads Death Penatly)  
  
Kaze: Demon gun! (Loads it with soil)  
  
Vincent: (fires)  
  
Kaze: Burn! Summon monster Phoe- (gets shot in the head)  
  
Vincent: A speech for every attack. Pity,  
  
Barret: Ungermax! (Punches Medabee''s head off)  
  
Megabee: Serious suckage! I can''t limit break!  
  
Barret: (stomps on his severed head)  
  
Cloud: Ha! Blade Beam!  
  
Jubei: No fair! I don''t have long range attacks! (Gets split in half)  
  
Cloud: You know what they say.  
  
All: (pause)  
  
Cloud: SHIT!! I can''t think of anything to say!  
  
All: (anime sweat drop, keep fighting)  
  
Mike: (runs Matt from digimon through and slams him into the round) And stay down!  
  
Ryan: (taps on TK''s shoulder)  
  
TK: Huh? (Turns his back to Ryan, even though he saw him do it)  
  
Ryan: (grabs him and SK''s him by slitting of the throat) You know what they say?  
  
All: (look at him)  
  
Ryan: Beer before liquor, you''re gonna get sicker!  
  
All: (anime sweat drop again)  
  
Cloud: We killed them all.  
  
Janemba: (appears with Sephiroth ridding piggy back) Attack my loyal minions! (Sees the scene) Dammit Seph! I told you we shouldn''t have boughten those fajitas!  
  
Cait''s friend: Fajita man!  
  
Vegeta: Shut the hell up!  
  
Sailor Venus: I''m done transforming! Who wants some! Hey, where are all the baddies?  
  
Vincent: Dead.  
  
Red XIII: (swings by) Whee!  
  
Goku: Time to finish this, Janemba!  
  
Vegeta: Kakaclown is right! You''re through!  
  
Tifa: Yeah, so give up!  
  
Janemba: I still have my most powerful minion, even stronger than me!  
  
[someplace else]  
  
Bob: Are you in pain?  
  
Yuffie: (cradling a tequila drinking, porn reading baby) Drugs, now.  
  
[back where it counts]  
  
Janemba: Arise, Hindegarn!  
  
Hindegarn: (comes up through the ground, a big beetle with a skull head) HRAAHH!!  
  
Mike and Ryan step forward.  
  
Ryan: Got it covered.  
  
Cloud: Are you sure? We could gang beat it into a pulp then kill Janemba.  
  
Mike: No way, self insert author''s can''t directly affect the course of a fic''s end. I think.  
  
Barret: I pity da foo'' who take on a demon.  
  
Cid: $%%$%#%#^ Monkey! We can get rid of the ^#^$^%#^#$^%# this way!  
  
Tifa: Maybe you should go with them then?  
  
Cid: $^^^&((^*((&^*^%&%$#%$&*^%&&^()**)&)()_++|+()*$%^$^$***))_)(^&*$^$^&%$%((*&) ^&$%#^$%**&)*(_+*()^&*%$^^**_((&#%^$^&%&^)&($&*^%^)()%$@^%*)*&^$%$^)*^%&%)* & )(*^&%$@^)*&)*&&^%%!!!!  
  
Goku: Whoa! Cid pulled a Cid!  
  
Vegeta: Dumbass.  
  
Vincent: Good luck.  
  
Red XIII: Whee! (Farts and falls off) Ow.  
  
Aeris: Take care!  
  
Mike: Anime?  
  
Ryan: Anime.  
  
Both: HAAA!! (become saia-jin) Let''s get this party started!  
  
All: Hell yeah!  
  
Janemba: (opens a portal that sucks in Hindegarn, Ryan and the jackass)  
  
Sephiroth: (hops off) You know, I never really could beat Cloud.  
  
Janemba: Yeah? I got killed by those saia-jin.  
  
Goku: Vegeta! (Goes ssj)  
  
Vegeta: Right! (Goes ssj)  
  
Both: Fu-sion-HA!! (fuse together into ne beam)  
  
Gogeta: I am neither Son Goku, nor Vegeta. I am the-- look at the kitty!  
  
Kitty: Meow! (Rolls onto it''s back and purs)  
  
Gogeta: Good kitty-kitty! (Starts to pet him)  
  
Cloud: Is... that normal?  
  
Vincent: ...  
  
Cait Sith: If you say so.  
  
Vincent: ... I''m confused.  
  
Jaenmba: Damn! He got the form right!  
  
Sephiroth: C''mon, we can do that too!  
  
Janemba: (pulls out an instant plot device)  
  
Vincent: Just add water!  
  
Everyone else: ...  
  
Vincent: I HATE YOU!  
  
Sephiroth: (uses it and gets a pair of Pottara earings) Woot! All we have to do is put these on!  
  
Both: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!  
  
Janemba: (stops laughing suddenly)  
  
Sephiroth: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!  
  
Janema: I don''t have ears.  
  
Sephiroth: ...  
  
AVALANCHE: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!  
  
Janemba: Plan b.  
  
Sephiroth: Fu-  
  
Janemba: sion!  
  
Red XIII: HAA!!  
  
All: (turn and look at Red)  
  
Red XIII: I was trying to jinx them.  
  
Sephiroth: Haa!  
  
Janemba: Haa!  
  
Both: (disappear in a bright light)  
  
AVALANCHE: Hahahahahahahaha!!!!  
  
Sephnemba: What? (Looks down) Oh my god we''re a sumo! (Into a mirror) You used your middle finger didn''t you?! I didn''t know! Watch them better next time! Hey, my eyes glow! And mine are 2D! Mine too!  
  
Cloud: What''s going on?  
  
Cait Sith: No clue.  
  
Gogeta: Kitty!  
  
Cid: Pay atention! ^^$&$&$@%&^$&%$^$&^@$%&@$^%*&$%^$@%!$@#%&$^*&#*)_+@$*)*%$^%&^%$*&^)(*)(&^%!! !!!!!!!!  
  
Tifa: That''s f**ked!  
  
Aeris: And UGLY!  
  
Sephnemba: HEY! Don''t you interrupt me! Oh yeah? Bring it on!  
  
Vincent: ...  
  
Cait Sith: I never thought of that!  
  
Vincent: Not again.  
  
Rad XIII: So the two fused guys are arguing and it''s coming out like schizophrenic outburts?  
  
Cait''s Friend: Tequila man! (Kicks Sephnemba in the knee)  
  
Sephnemba: Ow! (Trips and falls on the Tequila man, killing him)  
  
Sailor Venus: BOBBY!!!!!  
  
Sephnemba: Way to kill, eh? What are you talking about, I did it! BS! Bring it on!  
  
Cloud: How long is this going to last?  
  
Gogeta: Thirty minutes. Assuming they stop arguing after they split.  
  
[Elsewhere]  
  
Mike: Whoa! (Get''s crushed into a building)  
  
Ryan: Mike! Masenko! (Fires it into the things face)  
  
Hindegarn: RYAA! (Fires molten flame)  
  
Mike: Move! (Tackles Ryan away and gets blown into a crater)  
  
Ryan: Mike! HA!! (powers up into ssj) Kame-hame- DAMN!  
  
Hindegarn: (swats him away and tries to stomp on him)  
  
Ryan: Crud! (Jumps away and roundhouses the back of the skull)  
  
Hindegarn: RAA! (Punches him)  
  
Ryan: Kuso! (Hits the ground and kneels down) He''s stronger than I thought. Oh well, at least I''m on King Yemma''s good side. I hope.  
  
Author: Emna, dammit!  
  
Ryan: Mike?  
  
Mike: (goes ssj and blasts out) Kikoho!  
  
Hindegarn: Harr! (Gets hit and staggers back)  
  
Ryan: Now! (Teleport''s in front of the massive creature and slices it from forehead to crotch) Take that ya stupid f**k.  
  
Hindegarn: RRYAA! (Falls on it''s back, oozing black blood)  
  
Mike: Heh, got him! Wait!  
  
Ryan: No way!  
  
Hindegarn: (splits open and comes out of it''s shell as a large, winged, green, tailed insect. Stronger) HSSSROAH!  
  
Ryan: Not good!  
  
Mike: Oh... f**k.  
  
Hindegarn: SSRYA!! (flies over to them in the blink of an eye)  
  
Both: Shit!  
  
Hindegarn: (slashes Mike out of midair and tail whips Ryan)  
  
Ryan: Damn! (Hits another house)  
  
Mrs. Ketchum: Oh, hello. Are you a friend of Ash''s?  
  
Ryan: How did you get out? (Blows her head off)  
  
Author: I had nothing against her.  
  
Ryan: Shut up!  
  
Author: Look outside.  
  
Ryan: Huh? (Looks outside)  
  
Hindegarn: (breathes a wave of flaming ki)  
  
Ryan: CRAP!! (fires a ki blast, to no effect) Damn!  
  
The entire top half of the building is destroyed, Ryan defending.  
  
Hindegarn: (sees Ryan passed out on the wreckage and reaches over for him)  
  
KIENZAN!  
  
Hindegarn: (a disc of energy severs his hand) HRWOAH!!  
  
Mike: You f**king bastard! You dare to attack my friend?! (blasts into ssj2 and charges him) F**K YOU!!!  
  
Hindegarn: (slaps him away, then dodges as he continues to attack)  
  
Mike: HA! (Flips kicks his head) Chou KAME-HAME-HA!!  
  
Hindegarn: (gets it full in the face, tearing away it''s exoskeleton leaving torn muscles and an eye) HHHHRRRRAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! (fires a huge ki wave from it''s mouth)  
  
Mike: Not strong enough?! (gets thrown along with it, then kicks off it, badly wounded) Damn! What the?!  
  
Hindegarn: (materialises behind him and slams him into the ground with his bleeding stump, then slams a ki ball down onto him)  
  
Mike: (falls out of ssj) Damn... I''m not dead yet!  
  
Hindegarn: (stomps down)  
  
Mike: (jumps out of the way and gets slapped away) I''m not going to win...  
  
Hindegarn: (swipes at him with his tail)  
  
Mike: Damn..! (get''s slammed into another building, then slashed out of it)  
  
Hindegarn: (teleports behind him and slams him into the ground again, then tears up half the crater sending Mike flying)  
  
Mike: No... not this easy!!! (blasts back into ssj) I''ll give you a fight, you green f**king f**k.  
  
Hindegarn: (charges him and head butts him)  
  
Mike: (kicks his messed head away and flies back a bit and powers up)  
  
Hindegarn: (starts to form a ki ball in his mouth)  
  
Mike: FINAL FLASH!! (fires it with everything he has)  
  
Hindegarn: HHRRROARR!! (fires it)  
  
Mike: HAA!! (gets completely overtaken) Haa..  
  
Hindegarn: Grr... (turns back to Ryan)  
  
[back in Midgar]  
  
Sephnemba: AND I DIDN''T USE YOUR GODDAMN TOOTHBRUSH!! BULLSHIT!! STAY OUT OF MY STASH YOU COCK SUCKER!! AT LEAST I HAVE A COCK TO GET SUCKED YOU ASEXUAL F**K!!!  
  
Cloud: I''m out, I got nothing. (Folds his cards)  
  
Vicnent: ...  
  
Cait Sith: You have WHAT?!  
  
Vincent: All four aces. (Flashes his deck)  
  
Gogeta: I suck at this!  
  
Barret: I pity da foo'' who beat me 9 times in a row.  
  
Cid: #$^%$^&$@%^$@&$@%^!!!  
  
Tifa: Man is this boring!  
  
Gogeta: I woulnd''t say th- (splits back into Goku and Vegeta)  
  
Goku: at!  
  
Vegeta: Finally free of dumbass!  
  
Sephnemba: (crying) I LOVE YOU TOO!! (splits)  
  
Sephiroth: Whoo-hoo! Thin again!  
  
Janemba: Let''s get it right this time!  
  
Both: Fu-sion- HOO!! (fuse)  
  
Red XIII: Fusion ho?  
  
Mina: (crying) I can''t believe he''s dead!  
  
Goku: Vegeta?  
  
Vegeta: (deadpan) Now.  
  
Both: Fu-sion-ha! (Once again become Gogeta)  
  
Janembiroth: Whoo-hoo!! I dit it right!  
  
Cloud: Not good.  
  
Aeris: Wow, not so ugly.  
  
Tifa: Still as f**ked as ever though.  
  
Cid: Take him down!  
  
Tifa: Final Heaven!  
  
Cid: Highwind!  
  
Cloud: Strife!  
  
Bad pun.  
  
Cloud: Omnislash!  
  
Barret: Catastrophe!  
  
Gogeta: Big Bang-Kamehameha!  
  
Aeris: Shit. (Throws a rock at him)  
  
Vincent: Chaos! (Transforms) SATAN SLAM!  
  
Red XIII: Cosmo Memory!  
  
Cait Sith: Toy soldier! (A bunch of toy soldiers line up and fire)  
  
Mina: (starts to transform)  
  
Janembiroth: (isn''t affected at all) Hahaha! I am invincible! (Aeris'' rock hits him in the head) OW!! NOT FAIR!!! I''m leaving you mean BITCH! (Flies away)  
  
Cloud: After him!  
  
All: (board the Highwind and fly all the way to Celadon city)  
  
Vincent: Didn''t I destroy this in AVALANCHE vs Sailor Moon?  
  
No one hears him.  
  
Vincent: WHAT THE F**K?!  
  
Gogeta: Look at the size..!  
  
Tifa: Thank you!  
  
Gogeta: Huh?  
  
Hindegarn: RRROOOOAAAAA!!!! (fires a ki blast at the Highwind)  
  
Cid: Bail out!  
  
AVALANCHE Moon Z: (bail out)  
  
Sailor Venus: I''m done transforming!  
  
Aeris: A little late.  
  
Sailor Venus: I hate it when that happens!  
  
Janembiroth: At least he got one.  
  
Cloud: One?  
  
Janembiroth: Mike is dead!  
  
All: (gasp)  
  
Cid: Whoo hoo! (Sets off fireworks)  
  
Barret: Let''s party like it''s ma birthday! (goes overboard with the celebrations)  
  
Vincent: (sees Ryan and flies off to him)  
  
Tifa: It''s ass whooping time!  
  
Cloud: I got a knights of the Round ready for you!  
  
Gogeta: Heheh, you look like shit.  
  
Hindegarn: RAAHH!!  
  
Gogeta: Let''s go! (Charges to ssj2) I''m gonna smack you like a bitch! Final Kame-hame-ha!  
  
Janembiroth: (opens a portal that sucks in the ki attack)  
  
Gogeta: What?! (the portal opens beside him and he dodges the beam) Bastard! This is my only vest!  
  
Barret: I pity da foo who reverse attacks!  
  
Sailor Venus: Now can I attack him?  
  
Cait Sith: (pulls out the megaphone) LET''S WASTE THIS BITCH.  
  
Red XIII: I''m 97% prone to biting crotches, you know.  
  
Janembiroth: Hindegarn. (Teleports him away) I''ll see you in hell. (Follows him in a portal)  
  
Vincent: (lands with Ryan)  
  
Cid: What the f**k happened to him?  
  
Cloud: Wow is he f**ked up.  
  
Tifa: Cait''s friend f**ked?  
  
All: Hell no!  
  
Aeris: FullCure!  
  
Ryan: (wakes up) What the hell?  
  
Gogeta: Still alive?  
  
Ryan: I''m good!  
  
Cid: Shit, still one left!  
  
Ryan: One? Mike? MIKE?! (looking around)  
  
Tifa: We have bad news.  
  
Ryan: He''s alive?  
  
Cloud: No.  
  
Ryan: NNNNOOOO!!!!  
  
Red XIII: I fail to understand this guy.  
  
Barret: Enough f**king around! We gotta waste this guy!  
  
Ryan: Why?  
  
Barret: He''s the bad guy!  
  
Ryan: Is the fate of the world dependant on it?  
  
Barret: No.  
  
Ryan: Then let''s do it!  
  
All: Huh?  
  
Ryan: I hate good causes.  
  
All: 0.o?  
  
Ryan: Let''s go! (runs into the portal)  
  
All: Hell yeah!  
  
[in hell]  
  
Gogeta: Cold as ever.  
  
Tifa: (nipples sticking out 8inches) Shouldn''t hell be hot?  
  
Cloud: This is royally f**ked.  
  
Cait Sith: My fur is keeping me hot enough.  
  
Vincent: All in favour of skinning Cait and the Moogle, say I.  
  
All: I.  
  
Cai Sitht: HeY! I DIDN''T SAY ''I''  
  
Yes you did.  
  
Janembiroth: Welcome to HELL!!  
  
Barret: Figured dat out a''ready.  
  
Janembiroth: Shit. Ah well, you know the basics. HINDEGARN!  
  
Hindegarn: (materialises) SSSSSSSSRRRRAAAHH!  
  
Cloud: Battle time!  
  
All: (draw assorted weapons, enter battle stance, charge to max)  
  
Jamenbiroth: Attack. (teleports into the group)  
  
Tifa: Oof! (Gets knocked away)  
  
Janembiroth: AH! MY EYE!!  
  
Tifa: (looks down at her nipple) Ew! (Pulls the eye off and throws it away)  
  
Hindegarn: RRRROOAHRHAFAHFAHHAHFSGOVBVRF!!!!!!!  
  
Ryan: (ssj2) Let''s go, YOU MOTHER F**KING MOTHER F**KER!!!  
  
Vincent: Isn''t that redundant? (Fires a barrage at Hindegarn)  
  
Gogeta: Final Kame-hame-ha!  
  
Janembiroth: Gotta do better than that!  
  
Barret: Satellite Beam!  
  
Hindegarn: (kicks Barret into a floating jelly bean like thing))  
  
Barret: I pity the foo who smack Barret Wallace.  
  
Hindegarn: (smacks him again)  
  
Ryan: Die. (Charges it and puts a foot in it''s neck, cracking the exoskeleton and firing a whole barrage of ki attacks into his face) HHHAAAAAA!!!!!!! (hit''s him with a big one)  
  
Hindegarn: (grabs Ryan and starts to crush him)  
  
Vincent: ...  
  
Hindegarn: (looks at Vincent, really offended)  
  
Vincent: WHAT?!  
  
Hindegarn: (hand is cut off by a kienzan disc, again) HORAH!!!  
  
Mike: (dead with a hallow) I said it once, I''ll say it again. You''re messing with the wrong omnipotent asshole.  
  
Ramza: (kills all enemies) I''m the man.  
  
THE END  
  
Bullshit.  
  
Ramza: HELP! (Get''s crushed by Hindegarn)  
  
All: WHOO-HOO!!  
  
Vincent: ...  
  
Ryan: I AM NOT A REPRESSED HOMOSEXUAL!!!!!!!!  
  
Hindegarn: Roar?  
  
Mike: (goes ssj2 and charges Hindegarn)  
  
Ryan: (burps, scratches his head and charges Hindegarn)  
  
Vincent: I AM... BARNY!! (transforms into... Barny)  
  
70 feet tall Barny: (to Hindegarn) Will you be my friend?  
  
Hindegarn: (shrieks in terror)  
  
Mike and Ryan: RyuKen! (Dragon fist him in half)  
  
Barny: No love? (Dies)  
  
Mike and Ryan: Whoo-hoo!  
  
Hindegarn: (sighs in relief)  
  
Mike and Ryan: FINAL FLASH a la ULTRA500!!  
  
Hindegarn: Poopy. (gets turned into mist)  
  
Mike and Ryan: We did it!  
  
Gogeta: You fools! He dodged it!  
  
Ryan: What?!  
  
Mike: Behind us!  
  
Hindegarn: (totally fine, fully healed, slaps them together)  
  
Mike and Ryan: (squished together) Ouch. (Fall to the ground)  
  
Mike: (thinking) Wow, he''s been working out.  
  
Ryan: (thinking) It''s like sleeping on a pillow.  
  
Hindegarn: (stomps on them)  
  
Janembiroth: Whoo-hoo! Score one for the bad guys!  
  
Cloud: Take this! HYA! (jumps behind him and slices him in half)  
  
Janembiroth: Ouch. (Heals) Take this!  
  
Cloud: (guards in front) Do your worst! Unless attacked from behind I get half damage!  
  
Hindegarn: (kicks Cloud in the back)  
  
Cloud: (slams into a mound of dead lawyers) Cheap asshole.  
  
Gogeta: Chou KAMEHAMEHA!!!  
  
Hindegarn: (falls on his ass, then teleports behind and head butts Gogeta)  
  
Gogeta: WAHHAAHHAH!!!! (rubs his... backside) WATCH THE HORNS!!  
  
Hindegarn: (flips him off and punches him into the dirt)  
  
Cid: Let''s see how you like a payload of missiles? HIGHWIND!!!  
  
Hindegarn: (totally fine, stomps on Cid)  
  
Cid: (standing, fine) Hah!  
  
Hindegarn: (turns around)  
  
Cid: What''s up with him?  
  
Hindegarn: (shits on Cid)  
  
Cid: NOOOO!! (passes out from the stench and disappears into it) (the shit that is)  
  
No shit. Dumbass narrator...  
  
Barret: (completely crap out of beaten already) I pity da foo, who... Ah f**k it. (Passes out)  
  
Janembiroth: (sitting in a beach chair drinking a Pina colada) Easy pickings.  
  
Tifa: I''ll give you my whole chain of limit breaks, asshole. (Draws in a breath so she can yell all the attacks)  
  
Hindegarn: (whips her away with his tail)  
  
Tifa: (lands on a horny hillbilly''s ghost) Quit touching MY F**KING ASS!!  
  
Hillbilly: Are you my cosin?  
  
Tifa: Isn''t it cousin?  
  
Hindegarn: (breaths fire on them)  
  
Tifa: (totally fine) Hah, these implants are fire retardant!  
  
Aeris: HA! THEY ARE IMPLANTS!  
  
Hindegarn: (opens his tail and gets her with tentacles)  
  
Ryan: Ooh, like my hentai! (Passes out)  
  
Aeris: HELP!!  
  
Chaos: (locking horns with Janembiroth, literally) Little busy!  
  
Cait Sith: It''s up to me!  
  
All: Crap.  
  
Aeris: I''m dead.  
  
[Wherever the hell]  
  
Yuffie: You know, I knocked your dad up once.  
  
Bob: (putting diapers on a 9 year old kid who''s actually 15min old) Really?  
  
Yuffie: I called it Yuffiroth!  
  
Bob: (takes the whiskey bottle from Yuffie) No more for you.  
  
Yuffie: F**k me up the ass!  
  
Bob: Hell yeah!  
  
Frank: (tequila chugging porn-a-holic) Oh baby! Yeah baby! (Starts to drool)  
  
Yuffie: Do you even know where my ass is?  
  
Bob: I''m banging it!  
  
Yuffie: (sarcastically) Sure you are. (Rolls her eyes)  
  
[Back with the guys and Mike)  
  
Mike: (sits up, knocking Ryan off) HEY!!!  
  
....  
  
Mike: (checks in his pants) Hey, you could be onto something.  
  
Aeris: Mike, help!  
  
Mike: No prob! (Stands up, makes two steps and passes out)  
  
Aeris: Cheap ass author!  
  
Cait Sith: Help is on the way!  
  
Moogle: (launches Cait at Hindegarn)  
  
Cait Sith: OPEN WIDE, JACKASS!  
  
Hindegarn: (opens wide)  
  
Cait Sith: NOT REALLY!!!!!!!  
  
Hindegarn: (swallows Cait, then shits him out)  
  
Cait Sith: I tried. See ya Aeris!  
  
Aeris: HELP!!!  
  
Mysterious voice: I''m on my way! HYAAA!!!! (jumps down into hell and snaps Buster Sword in half on Hindegarn''s head) Oh shit.  
  
Aeris: Zack!  
  
Hindegarn: (glares at Zack, who''s an angel)  
  
Zack: (smiles nervously) Can''t we be friends?  
  
Hindegarn: (nods)  
  
Zack: Really?  
  
Hindegarn: (shakes his head)  
  
Zack: Crap.  
  
Hindegarn: (bites his wings off, swallowing the rest of him. He doesn''t shit for once)  
  
Janembiroth: Wings! (Starts to BBQ them) I love these things!  
  
Aeris: NOOOOOO!!!!! I am SO f**ked.  
  
Mysterious voice2: HILDEGARN!!  
  
Hindegarn in my fic, asshole!  
  
Mysterious voice2: Err... HINDEGARN!!! HYA!! (magically appears over his tail and slices it off)  
  
Mike: Tapion!!  
  
Tapion: Hey Mike, long time no see!  
  
Aerith: (pulls all the tentacles off) I though you passed out!  
  
Mike: (pretends to pass out)  
  
Cloud: Cool sword, what''s it called?  
  
Tapion: Grand Lion.  
  
It''s the Japanese name for CT''s Masamune.  
  
Barret: All right, we all back!  
  
Vincent: ...  
  
Barret: Fine, da author''s asleep, but AVALANCHE is up!  
  
Vincent: WHY DO YOU PEOPLE DO THAT?!  
  
No one hears him.  
  
Vincent: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
Janembiroth: So it seems you got some help! I guess I''ll fight too! HAHAHA (defuses)  
  
Sephiroth and Janemba: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
Cloud: Sweet Jesus!!  
  
Sephiroth: Huh? WE DEFUSED! (sees something) YOU HAVE HUMUNGOUS EARS YOU LYING BASTARD!!  
  
Janemba: Huh? (Check''s himself) My bad. I''ve got no nose! Funny huh? HAHAHAHA!!  
  
Sephiroth: (fuming with rage)  
  
Tapion: Let''s take them on! (Get''s stomped on by Hindegarn)  
  
Mike: Tapion!  
  
Aeris: (looks at Mike, evilly)  
  
Mike: Erg. (Pretends to pass out again)  
  
Tapion: (freaking weak) I forgot that the tail isn''t a vital organ...  
  
Cloud: How do we stop it?  
  
Tapion: Play my Ocarina!  
  
Tifa: What about them? (Points to the blundering geniuses)  
  
Sephiroth: Are too!  
  
Janemba: Did not!  
  
Sephiroth: Did too!  
  
Janemba: Am not!  
  
Cid: Those dumb !#$%#^^$%^$%^$^&%!!$%^#%$ aren''t going to be causing us much trouble.  
  
Aeris: OMFG! Cid didn''t cuss!  
  
Cid: (thinks for a second) Yeah I did, you dumb- (gets knocked over by a ki ball)  
  
Vegeta: No one cusses out my woman!  
  
Goku: They defused too, huh?  
  
Cait Sith: I need a bath.  
  
Cid: Me too.  
  
Vincent: Wait, wasn''t I just fighting as Chaos then suddenly reverted and appeared with the rest of you?  
  
No one hears him.  
  
Vincent: Son of a bitch.  
  
Red XIII: Whee! (Swings again)  
  
Barret: I pity da foo who skips a fight to swing!  
  
All: YEAH!  
  
Barret: Whee! (Swings by)  
  
All: (blank expression)  
  
Tapion: Is that normal?  
  
Cloud: Yes. About the Ocarina?  
  
Tapion: One amongst you must play it.  
  
Cid: Can I see that?  
  
Tapion: Sure. (Hands it too him)  
  
Cid: (smashes it on the ground) Whoops.  
  
Tapion: WHAT THE F**K DID YOU DO THAT FOR!?  
  
Cid: You know, I smash, you magically repair, we do it again.  
  
Tapion: I CAN''T MAGICALLY FIX IT!!!!!!!!!  
  
Cid: Oh shit.  
  
Cloud: You DUMB TEA DRINKING FAGGOT!!  
  
Cid: HEY!! I AM NOT DUMB!  
  
Aeris: But you are a tea drinking faggot!  
  
Cid: Stay out of this you- (gets knocked over by another ki ball)  
  
Vegeta: NO ONE CUSSES OUT MY WOMAN!  
  
Barret: Ha, da fag got told!  
  
Cid: (shoves his spear up Barret''s ass)  
  
Barret: Ma ass, ma f''ing ass! How could you do that, I was training under Vegeta!  
  
Cid: I was training under Goku!  
  
Vegeta: Very funny, Kakarotto.  
  
Goku: I got bored!  
  
Vegeta: Then you should have ran to (shudders) Chichi.  
  
Tifa: Whose that?  
  
Goku: Both the bitchiest bitch in the universe, and my wife.  
  
Red XIII: I pity you, my friend.  
  
Goku: Weren''t you on the swing?  
  
Vincent: Whee...  
  
No one hears him.  
  
Vincent: WH-F**KING-EE!!!  
  
Tifa: Wow, those crickets are loud.  
  
Hindegarn: Roar!!  
  
Tifa: And you.  
  
Hindegarn: (smiles contentedly)  
  
Tapion: Can anyone fix my flute?  
  
Mike: Oca-  
  
Aeris: (makes the throat gash movement)  
  
Mike: Erg. (Passes out for real)  
  
Cid: I can.  
  
All: F**K YOU CID!!  
  
Cait Sith: Can''t we all stop fighting?  
  
Tapion: Why? You yelled it too.  
  
Cait Sith: F**K YOU TAPIOCA!  
  
Tapion: It''s Tapion, dumbass.  
  
Sailor Venus: You know, the author forgot about me and I was cut from a lot of crap lately.  
  
Author: You know, I can always commit you to Anime Hell.  
  
Cooler: (magically appears) I wish you gave me that warning! Before you saw either of my movies, too!  
  
Freezer: Don''t worry, he can''t get us in every fic!  
  
King Cold: (looks around) SWEET!!! I''m in a fic!! Do the happy dance, sing the happy dance!!  
  
Cloud: (whispering to Tifa) These guys are as gay as the last Mike and Ryan scene.  
  
Tifa: Take me now!  
  
Cloud: Yeah baby!!  
  
They run off to behind a mound of... human flesh... and the clothes start COMING OFF!!  
  
Author: Oh, Cooler?  
  
Cooler: Yeah?  
  
Author: I just saw your movies. Goodbye.  
  
Cooler''s Halo disappears.  
  
Cooler: YES!!  
  
Vegeta: I''ll see you in-  
  
Dramatic pause  
  
Vegeta: HELL!! Final Flash!!  
  
Cooler: Oh, kuso to the max!! (get''s disintegrated)  
  
Aeris: Oh, you''re so sexy!  
  
Vegeta: You know, there are a lot of mounds of-  
  
Cooler: (now with a halo) You prick!  
  
Vegeta: What the f**k?  
  
Cooler: I''m back in hell!!!!!!! YOU @$$HOLE!!  
  
Vegeta: Call me an asshole, come on, go for it!  
  
Cooler: I am not a trained animal!  
  
Author: But you are wearing a pink sailor suit.  
  
Cooler: What?  
  
Magically gets put in a pink sailor suit.  
  
Cooler: You bastard. (Runs off crying)  
  
Freezer: Wait bro, we were going to have espresso! (Runs after him)  
  
Cold: This is about as bad as the time he dated Beryl... (shakes his head and walks off)  
  
Red XIII: You know, I haven''t been in here much.  
  
Cid: Me neither %#^#@^%@!!!  
  
Cloud: Cid, shut the F**K UP!!  
  
Silent Bob: (grabs Cloud) THE SIGN!! ON THE BACK OF THE CAR!! IT SAID ''CRITTERS OF HOLLYWOOD'' YOU DUMB FUCK!!!!  
  
Cid: Hey, he didn''t get censored!  
  
Sailor Venus: Kick his ass!  
  
Jay: Snoochy-moochy?  
  
All: (sweat drop)...  
  
Barret: I pity da foo who don''t shut up during a sweat drop scene.  
  
Vincent: (realizes everyone''s staring at him) ..?  
  
All: DON''T YOU EVER SHUT UP?  
  
Hindegarn: Roar!  
  
Hoi: I shall rule the universe with the might and glory of Hildegarn! HAHAHAHA!  
  
Hindegarn: (stomps on Hoi, again)  
  
Silent Bob: ...  
  
Vincent: Why DIDN''T YOU GUYS GET PISSED OFF WITH HIM?!  
  
No one hears him.  
  
Vincent: ...  
  
Cait Sith: Don''t you EVER SHUT UP!?  
  
Vincent: (shoots the Moogle about 8776543276764343476X100000000000 times)  
  
How''s some math for ya?  
  
Silent Bob: You see, I''m an actual acted character. I''m played by Kevin Smith, the director of Clerks, Chasing Amy, Dogma and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. You my friend, are in two games, and have ONE voice actor, hence are a more played with and tortured charactor.  
  
Vincent: ...  
  
Silent Bob: Don''t you ignore me!  
  
Janemba: HEY!!  
  
All: (look at him)  
  
Sephiroth: Back on subject here!  
  
Tapion: Right. Fix my f--king flute or we''re s--ed.  
  
All: ?  
  
Tapion: Er... Fix my f**king flute or we''re sc***ed.  
  
All: Ah!  
  
Janemba: Lost me there for a second.  
  
Sephiroth: Janemba!!  
  
Janemba: What?  
  
Sephiroth: NO!! You''re supposed to yell ''Sephiroth!"" and we fuse!  
  
Cloud: Too bad for you. Omnislash!  
  
Sephiroth: I''m a rival character, I''ll be back!! ACK! (Dies)  
  
Janemba: Oh shit.  
  
Tapion: FIX ME MY FLUTE!!!!  
  
Cloud: Alright, Vinny, Tifa and me will take on the red guy. GO!!  
  
All: (slow motion dash into combat)  
  
Janemba and Hindegarn: (wide eyed)  
  
The screen goes black. The sounds of things breaking, braking, gunshots and sword slashes are heard. Screen goes normal.  
  
Avalanche: (piled on the ground)  
  
Goku: Ow, who turned the lights off??  
  
Hindegarn: (with his finger on the light switch of... HELL!!) Roar, teehee.  
  
Ryan: (get''s up) Real f**king funny. Come on Mike, we can take him! Mike?  
  
Mike''s Voice: I''m under the pile!  
  
Ryan: Shit!  
  
Hindegarn: (stomps on Ryan)  
  
Janemba: You can never defeat me! I am an Anime character!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!  
  
Red XIII: (get''s off the pile, walks over to Janemba and lights him on fire with his tail)  
  
Janemba: NOOOO!!! I''m a paper drawing! (Burns to a crisp)  
  
Hindegarn: (eye holes go wider, and his skull splits open)  
  
Barret: Dat''s f**ked.  
  
Tapion: No shit, Sherlock!  
  
Cait Sith: (grabs the megaphone) DON''T STEAL MY LINES!!!  
  
Tapion: OW!! (passes out)  
  
Cloud: Everyone, UP!!  
  
All: (assume combat positions)  
  
Mike: (get''s up, slow) Sweet air!  
  
Ryan: (get''s up from between his toes) Waste him!  
  
Cloud: OMNISLASH!!  
  
Tifa: FINAL HEAVEN!  
  
Mike: Wallace Strike!! (Scottish pryd3!!)  
  
Ryan: Sephiroth0201 Special!! (it''s his e-mail)  
  
Red XIII: Cosmo Memory!!!!  
  
Barret: Catastrophe!!  
  
Chaos: Satan Slam!  
  
Cid: HIGHWIND!!  
  
Sailor Venus: --  
  
Goku: Chou Kame-hame-HA!  
  
Vegeta: Final FLASH!!  
  
Cait: DICE!!  
  
Tapion: Blade Beam!  
  
Aeris: Planet Protector!!  
  
Hindegarn: Roar... (get''s a freaking huge hole blown through his torso)  
  
Cloud: HE''S STILL ALIVE?!  
  
Vincent: ^%$^$%&$@%&^*&^^%&$@*%^*&^%%^&%$^*%^&$%&^%*^&*%$^&&%$^%*%&^*^%**^%*^&(%#*^&^ %(#*^%(*%&*%^*#&^%(*####^&&&&&###^***@******^*&(%^&*%^&@$&$**************** * *^%$&^%*$^%@@*%(@^^!!!  
  
Cid: ...  
  
What the hell?  
  
Hindegarn: Heh-heh-heh...  
  
When all hope seemed lost-  
  
Sailor Venus: I didn''t get to-  
  
SHUT THE F**K UP WHEN I NARRATE, BITCH!!!!  
  
Sailor Venus: ...  
  
When all hope seemed lost, Lord Godo, on second orbit around the earth, tore off Hindegarn''s head on the way by.  
  
Hindegarn: (dies)  
  
Godo: I think I shit my pants!  
  
Red XIII: (shit lands on him) That one''s new.  
  
Cloud: Whoo-hoo! We did it!  
  
Mike: Ryan, let''s go home.  
  
Ryan: Alright, my sister''s gone for the month!  
  
Mike: YES!! Wait, I''M DEAD!!  
  
Ryan: Shit, now I have to call Marcel!  
  
[Some far off place]  
  
Marcel: (humping Tidus'' leg)  
  
Yuna: Oh my! (Covers her mouth)  
  
Lulu: He''s really giving it to ....''s leg?  
  
Tidus: Why can''t anyone say my name!?!?  
  
Wakka: Cuz you never tell us, ya?  
  
Rikku: Take this! (Trows a grenade at Marcel)  
  
Marcel: (falls off) Ah man, I was almost there!  
  
Kimahri: (lands from his jump attack, killing Marcel) Kimahri killed bitch.  
  
Auron: Yuna, send him.  
  
[AVALANCHE HQ]  
  
Tifa: A round for everybody!  
  
Tapion: (smoking a joint) Anyone want some of this? No, (rubs his crotch) anyone want some of this?  
  
Tifa: HEY! This is an alcohol only establishment!  
  
Tapion: (stuffs some zenny down her shirt) Take your top off!  
  
Tifa: (roundhouses his ass out of the atmosphere) Jackass!  
  
Tapion: Back to Konack for me! (Fades away in the distance)  
  
Cloud: (stuffs a few gil down Tifa''s shirt) Take your top off.  
  
All male members: HELL YEAH!!  
  
Aeris: I think I will too.  
  
Vegeta: Arooga! (Grabs her and runs upstairs)  
  
Tifa: Okay. (Starts to take her top off)  
  
All: Sweet!  
  
THE END  
  
.. * * * * ..  
  
[Actual Hell]  
  
Mike: Hello? Anyone here? I appear to have been strapped onto a large machine designed to remove meat from cows. It is slightly too small for my size, and I fear I will not be able to sit here much further.  
  
Satan: (appears in a puff of smoke) Hello, Mr. Meechan.  
  
Mike: Hey Luce. How''s it hanging these days?  
  
Satan: I have news to announce.  
  
Mike: Jecht isn''t Sin?  
  
Satan: Of course he is! I have become vegetarian, and in turn, no meat shall be allowed in hell!  
  
Mike: NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
[Some other place]  
  
Sephiroth: (being held in place by two large bouncers) I shall not be restrained! I am the great Sephiroth!  
  
Person 1: And for not affording your drink, we gonna make you pay in pain.  
  
Sephiroth: ?  
  
Person 2: Roshambo to the death!  
  
Sephiroth: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~!!!  
  
Random people start pouring in and pounding on his poor tiny balls.  
  
[Really other place]  
  
Yuffie: I think I''m pregnant. Again!!  
  
Frank: (pulls out his pacifier, has James Earl Jones'' voice) At last I may prey upon the flesh of the innocent, muahahaha! Tequila man! Porn dude!! (starts chugging a bottle of tequila and reading a mag)  
  
Bob''s Voice: Who the hell stole my penthouse?!  
  
[On Konack]  
  
Tapion: (lights a j) I''m back home! (Puffs) Sweet!  
  
Minocia: Big brother, you can''t smoke on Konack!  
  
Tapion: NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 


End file.
